I caved and texted him. But it's strictly drug dealing business so it doesn't count.
He's sitting on the floor holding his bracket and crying, literally crying... he just keeps saying "Kansas how could you?" over and over
You're the only person I know who would say "we'll play it by ear" referring to a threesome
Everyone is slow dancing to Aerosmith. I am serenading a slice of pizza.
His dick is longer than my foot and I'm a size 9. I'm literally kicking myself in the vagina
It would have been the trifecta of dick for her.
Congrats. You are not detrimental enough to my psyche to be discussed during this mornings therapy appointment. Please follow up next week to see if you made the cut.
Hes drunk and dancing naked. I can hear his dick smacking his legs from the next room.
Dude. I am seriously trying SO hard not to be amused by Honey Boo Boo. But the fact is, she just got a mani pedi with her gay uncle Poodle, and he got a discount because he only has nine toes, and I am ALL IN.
I hate having to put a bra on before I go home cuz I have to pretend I actually went to class today
And then I told him since the day he walked away to get over what I went through he lost the boyfriend right to ask why my bed is broken.
I take full pride in being the one that broke ur bed. Want to go for the sofa?
Next time someone asks you what your spirit animal is do you really want to answer the iowa state fair butter cow?
reason #326 why I'm still single.... my date just told me there's a little boy ghost that lives in his closet because he likes his music.
I'm ordering dildos in a santa hat. You?
I know you've been in hospital with meningitis, but last night I walked into a streetlight and bruised my penis so who's really suffering here
Randomize
