Michelle found a bong in the garbage and sold it to my mom
Oh. My. God. Best non-relationship, he-might-be-cheating-on-his-boyfriend-but-I-can't-tell-because-of-the-language-barrier sex EVER!
I am 90% sure the kid in front of me in class is picking his face spots, smelling it, and then eating it. That is a LOT of % sure for something like that.
Thanks for having 911 ready when I jumped off the balcony
As i looked at his penis, it stared back into my soul. No more drinking games.
He made me hold his dick and say "I solemnly swear that I'm up to no good"
Remember when I peed in the trash can in the ATM room last night?
Never thought I'd say this, but thank god for my blackouts.
For the record, just because I'm a mess doesn't mean I don't know what I'm talking about when I give you advice. I'm way better at other people's lives.
I made out with my former step mother's best friend. Only knew the connection when they both showed up together at the bar.
btw my frat has a search out for you. the "girl who threw up in the middle of the party" but it was on some fat girls. so thank you.
My dad just saw me take dirty one night stand underwear out of my purse. I'm willing to admit I have a problem
I just jerked him off with one hand while holding my wine glass with the other and watching Congo. I feel like this was a preview to my married life...
Look, all I'm saying is that you're going to be a great Vodka Mom.
You had all day to plan ahead & get mixers, so whose fault is this sobriety?
She threw my purse across the room almost broke a lamp and this all started bc she forgot what an air mattress was
Randomize
