id be glad to
That guy over there looks like a cartoon/action figure.
omg, i know.
we're too high.
I just ate a cockroach and I want to be a fire truck.
It's an Italian thing I guess, grew up on that shit.
I'm Irish, we don't eat cow guts unless they're blended into a fine whiskey
i just overheard my mom tell my dad he should drink less so he could hit the right hole
i woke up with toilet paper straight tucked up in my underwear wearing a pizza sauce mustach. I dont think i got laid last night.
We went to the casino to try to earn enough money to go to new Orleans comfortably. I'm already drunk. This is a horribly immoral start to summer.
I just want a sensitive guy who will get drunk with me then take me out to steal things. Is that too much to ask?
She stumbled into class and Google image searched nipple piercings for the entire 75 minutes
I'm fucking a man old enough to be my father who is also dating my boss. What have you done with your life?
Blacked out drunk in California and woke up somewhere in Arizona, I'm pretty sure I got here on foot
He brought me Plan B in the snowstorm.
A+ 👏🏼
My ex's girlfriend just invited me clubbing. Guess who won the breakup?
The wedding is over. Operation sleep with my step-sister has officially begun
Coffee and girl scout cookies. Breakfast of champions.
Get fucked.
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