His pickup line was "I'll eat you out"
He did it well too
Scream out, "Tax-Free dick over here" in the bar. Ladies love tax free stuff
I wish everyone walked around campus with a video of what they did this weekend above their heads.
just had an encounter with drunk people from out of state at dairy queen. they wanted to stay till march to see the high school play.
Church boner. Awkwardddd
Um of course I blew him. He brought me a shamrock shake. It was two o’clock in the morning on St. Patrick’s Day. There was no smoother move basically. He totally earned that head.
Makes Sense, i generally dont want the same person two days in a row. Its like what i pick for supper, i like variety
Why are there chunks of your hair in everyones pocket?
I decided to mark my territory.
Tell Taylor to rock on. Tell her she is so beautiful that the sun shines down on her face and shows her beauty. Tell her to live on, like Martin Luther King. He'll never die. He's living his dreams.
Everything was cool till you started pissing while standing at the bar
I'm going to stop at grocery on the way home. I'm CRAVING wine from a sippy cup. We have neither wine nor sippy cups.
How does one go about breaking up with their bf on vacation?
Also my bed has glitter in it for reasons I do not recall
I think I may have just hit a new slutty low! ..... Just purchased the Costco pack of condoms... $9.99/48 pack = amazing deal! The judgement when I bust out the value pack = priceless!!!
Don’t listen to me, I’m walking around wearing nothing but rave bracelets and headphones shouting “yeeeeaaahhhhhh”
Randomize
