i effing cant stand that stupid soul the new way to roll hamster commercial. everyone im with is laughing and now hate them all.
I was thinking about texting her and telling her I had syphilis when I was with her and that she should get tested. just for shits and giggles. skank dahaha
i just realized that im half way to my goal of puking in every single toilet on our floor
If I take diet pills with my edibles I'll be a perfect person
It was one of those "wake up holding a random metal flower" kind of nights.
I dont know about you but I'm not getting out of bed this summer for anything but food or sex
I bought an american flag today and by god im gonna fuck someone on it
I just had a flashback to the three of us in the bed and me shouting AM I THE BIGGEST OR LITTLEST SPOON?!
Please don't place wagers on my sex life unless you are giving me a cut. With my current sluttiness I feel like I deserve 40% for how much money you'll make
This morning I found four opened yet full beers on my desk and my towel rack pulled off the wall and in bed with me
Well she made a 15 year old cry, the grandmother did an ice luge and I woke up to the sound of sex moans
When you didn't respond I figured you must be busy so I'm home in my pj's 2 beers in and stoned from weed I got from my gaybours. They also gave me cake. I'm not moving from this recliner.
No, I didn't meet up with him! That's when I had chlamydia.
you found yr lighter in yr cleavage and said so that's where you've been all my life
not only did I call my ex crying but drunk me also deleted the phone log so I had no warning when I saw him in class
Randomize