she asked me if the dress made her look fat, i told her no - the fat made her look fat.
im watching shaqs comedy special. this is how i know im not sober.
As of tonight I have officially had sex during every Disney movie.
im pretty sure thats the first step to being a pedafile
And my fence, why is part of it on the roof?
There was a gorilla playing an accordion outside of my last final. I miss college already.
She whispered into my eat that she wanted me to fuck her while her parrot watched...
some fat dude with wolverine facial hair just walked out of your room with a snuggie. explanation needed.
I feel like we have both made good decisions regarding our vaginas lately
Ask him to BK for an ice cream cone and do him in the car. That counts as a date
Poor guy. Tried so hard to get out of the friend zone. I had to make out with someone in front of him to put him in his place.
Just told my roommate about "analvice" and she is horrified and the Sound of Music is ruined.
You know that voice that tells you to do something spontaneous after 1am? Don't listen to it.
I got a discount on the lube for giving the cashier focaccia bread from work.
when part of the plan includes getting high, i usually forget how the rest of the plan goes.
Oral sex and brunch. The perfect sunday morning.
Randomize
