Its like everytime i see you, my vagina gets a heartbeat.
and then the other night his penis tricked us both into sex
Like what kind of adult things? Whats more adult than drinking at 2pm on a monday?
We decided we needed a drinks fridge in our bathroom.
My professor just gave us a margarita recipe.
Why?
Because, and I quote, he "wants to give us the tools to succeed in life."
She walked home carrying a six pack of beer and someone elses cat
SHE BETTER HAVE BROUGHT BACK MY FUCKING COUCH CUSIONS OR SHES GUNNA GET IT.
Question. Was fucking Laura an entirely regrettable decision?
like...quickly.
I feel like if you're funneling natty lights on a Wednesday at 2:30pm at the apartment complex pool during finals week, you probably don't have your priorities straight.
I'm going to miss hockey season. It was the best excuse to get drunk on a Tuesday night.
To this day, I regret not having sex in the bathroom
my life is turning into trapped in the closet at way too fast a speed for me to feel comfortable.
I don't think tits should taste like fish.
I just want to drink bourbon and have sex and then eat like, a Christmas cookie.
Look, I tried but his dick tasted like disappointment.
No I feel the same as usual. Mopey with a chance of bitch fits.
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