lesson #67 learned in college: a three day old margarita, is still a margarita.
The guy at McDonald's just told us there is no flash photography allowed.
I finally beat you i just fucked my professor last night!!!\n\n
sry, psychiatrist trumps professor
I just realized this is gonna be the last time that I'm high in my childhood home. I'm kinda sad. I'm really high..
right before he passed out he said "take care of your tender spirit"
If you fool around, take the WHITE sweatshirt off of her first. It's mine, and I don't like your cum nearly as much as she does.
Congratulations, you fucked a nickle into me.
I wanna throw up and cum in that order
Every single person in dollar tree stares at you if you are buying a pregnancy test and wearing a charlie brown costume. Just FYI.
I wore granny panties last night to ensure I didn't sleep with him. He said they made me seem more mature. I need a new plan
My makeup looks extraordinary for nine tequila shots, running four blocks, falling asleep with my face in the toilet, and doing the walk of shame across campus in the rain. And to think I'm single.
My boss doesn't know what jello shots are. I've lost faith in this company.
Had to admit my broken elbow was caused by vodka, not hockey
Apparently I’m a terrible influence when alcohol is involved
is it sad that a disney movie is making me horny?
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