Her little brother was home, so we had to hook up while playing hide and seek with him
i just used my scantron for my final to make paper shotglasses. i'd say i passed in flying colors.
I did something last night that I shouldn't have, but I don't want to tell you because you'll probably just make it your fb status...
I see you've learned your lesson.
His roomates just started party boying me. He stood there with the look of horror on his face.
it was like getting a handjob from robocop
You just kept saying "they don't make cigarettes for squirrels. Yet."
In case you come back to the room and i'm not here, yes there's a cup filled with gravy in the microwave. Just take it out if you need to heat something.
This milkshake tastes better than sex. Priorities, I have them.
It took me 3 tries to get up the front steps. They kept me motivated by waving taco bell just out of my reach. Surprisingly effective.
Just had a threesome with a hot Turkish guy and an even hotter French lawyer. This what happens when I travel alone. You have only yourself to blame for this.
Whats proper etiquette for apologizing to your wife for being so drunk you stood up and pissed on the bedroom floor next to the bed?
She climbed up the stairs with three brownies in one fist, two in the other, and one in her mouth. Also, she opened the bedroom door with her foot. I may be in love.
He a gives rim jobs, because, of course a guy who opens doors and makes reservations would lick your anus..like a gentleman.
The last thing I remember was them slipping shots into my beer bong, and me being happy about it
I love you, but seriously, that was way too long a thesis on an Arby’s curly fry being wrapped around schlong!
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