Kirsten Dunst is sitting next to me in a bar in NYC
Tell her I want my money back for Elizabethtown.
dude! the alphabet song and twinkle twinkle little star are like the same tune
what drug did you take to come to that conclusion??
you ran down to the water at 3am and rolled in the sand and ran around screaming that you were the corn dog monster.
It's like I paid NJ Transit $33 to suck his dick and go home. Fuck that.
Waking and baking has revolutionized how i brush my teeth. Seriously up to like 25 min everry morn. Highly recommend
He screamed "Hug me!" and dove into the bushes. How he gets laid every weekend is beyond me.
The sales associate looked at me funny for wobbling in the heels i was trying on until i told her i was trying to see how well i'd be able to drunk walk in these tonight
next time we make out at a concert please try to refrain from screaming out our hotel room number.. the amount of guys that knocked on our door after you passed out was ridiculous
The sad part is that if I don't get a random pic of your balls or ass or both every month, I start to worry that we're not friends anymore
stop fucking thinking about him when there is A MILLION OTHER PENISES TO RIDE IN THE WORLD
I just twinged a muscle in my shoulder trying to hug myself. In the world of loneliness-based injuries, this is a new low for me.
What's goes good with Everclear?
Pepto-Bismol and a sandwich.
Her vagina is like the upper echelon of Scientology and I don't have enough money to get in
people keep driving by and judging me for drinking natty outside in my underwear at 9 am. rude.
Let's do something tonight. I feel like setting things on fire.
Randomize
