I love how adderall is equivalent to money on a college campus. just got a ride home and paid the driver in adderall...yeeah buddy
First date: that requires underwear, huh?
You should know I just got pulled aside by TSA because they found a bottle of Bud Light in my backpack... Thanks for that...
I said "have a good day officer and I'll see you friday when I get arrested for being too drunk.."
I said you have to fuck the german guy and take one for the team...it's a once in a lifetime opportunity you know.
Someone is in my phone as "fireball girl" and keeps texting me. How do I go about finding out who it is?
As sure as my left ball is bigger then my right. We will have our moment.
Do you think I shall pursue this journey to the center if the dick?
Sorry brah. Drastic times called for drastic measures and I had to go home and bang a cougar.
i need to stop meeting underage girls and letting them into the bar. i mean yea its a surefire way to get laid without having to tell them I'm 26 but i feel like as a bouncer I'm focusing on all the wrong things
Jesus christ. I put you on speaker when you called me last night and you told me to brush my teeth with a dick.
oh my god you are days, if not hours away from a dick pic. This is the day the lord has made rejoice and be glad in it
My intervention, when it happens, should have vanilla cake....buttermilk icing.
Don't get mad but There's blood everywhere and the only thing I remember is the bj from your cousin.
Well, I turned down sex again. This is guy #5 in the past 2 weeks. My vagina is going to seek emancipation.
Randomize
