Should I text him? Life is confusing when you actually like someone instead of just wanting to blow them.
Hey cutie is the game almost over? I'm making dinner for us it'll be ready soon. Xox
You would rather make fucking dinner than watch a hockey game that rivals the epic-ness of miracle, the one of the biggest upsets in sport history? Babe I don't know if I can date a girl with such terrible priorities.
I told you it's awful. It looks like he was eating honey at a barbershop and tripped.
you just kept saying 'take out my tanks' and tell the cab driver to go slower, i have no idea what you were talking about but i'm glad you had fun.
It's amazing how not interested in talking to him I am since I've decided that he probably has chlamydia.
There are two things I love in this world. Dick and cats. Why can't I just have dick and cats forever
Congratulations on your lack of fetus.
We need to get stoned and watch Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles 2. This has become a priority. Schedule accordingly.
and then you called me a third time and yelled that you were stealing a puppy named Willow
we're spending all day in bed drinking spiked eggnog and fucking
Hey, sorry for threatening to teabag your mom to death last night
We've had gay sex and pie, the holiday season has officially begun.
I told her we had to stay at the bar until at least midnight because that's when my direct deposit hit, don't tell me i'm not responsible
He motorboated me, gave me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
It was just another case of she fell in love I fell asleep.
Randomize
