I made out with a fat chick last night in a hot tub... btw I am breaking up with you
I wanna get so drunk next week I throw up on a guy's genitals. I want to be that memorable for someone.
Spent the entire ride home from downtown trying to convince designated dawgs to drop us off at waffle house instead of our apartment. i told them it was my house...they didn't buy it.
i'm sick of coming in second next to bourbon.
Please don't drown this weekend. It would be a shame to lose a dick like yours.
Are you still goin to the xmas party?
Yaaaa why?
Jus making sure i will have nice people i know to put a blanket over me when i pass out in the field .
I woke up naked on my futon with a blanket half way covering my ass and 20 half eaten chicken wings on my chest... At 7 pm... That kind of day drinking
Someone wrote "gnarballz" on my fridge in black marker. I'm pissed, but more concerned I slept with the one who did it
Last night you referred to my vagina as a gym for your penis
I know you've been in hospital with meningitis, but last night I walked into a streetlight and bruised my penis so who's really suffering here
At least Shia Labeouf would encourage me to do this drinking contest
I spanked her so hard I woke up Grandma
I gave your mom a discount on her coffee, its my way to say thanks for having a son that makes me come every time
If I didn't have booty calls, my apartment would never get clean
God... We're terrible. I'm so proud of us.
I know! It makes me feel all warm inside. Or maybe that's just me getting closer to hell.
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