did i leave my keys in your car? BTW: sorry for throwing that drink on your date.
Yea, forget your mom. She will be home after her one night stand.
finally achieved: got laid in the religion section of borders. thought you should know.
So let me get this straight. You would sleep with an uncircumcised guy whose name you didn't know, but you won't try the new shrimp taco from taco bell?
He's my palate cleanser. He's my mint sorbet. He's my saltine cracker. He's who I fuck between people to make the next one better.
The saltiness of my tears mix perfectly with the tequila.
i thought they made a 7-hour walmart run, but they were actually in jail.
I think I slept in the cheesecake last night. Either that or I had a wet dream. Whatever happened I need to wash my pants.
He returned my car yesterday. Found a duffel bag with beef jerky, condoms, and a handgun this morning. Slightly concerned
He was so fat that he broke two of my ribs
Maybe it's time to stop screaming I'm a chubby chaser every time you enter a drinking establishment
The hair on my legs is officially flapping in the breeze when I walk. I must say, being single does have perks and this is one of them.
Power lunch with dad, pain pills and tequila shots. Dad does Monday hard.
2 weeks into this dating someone with money thing and I already don't know if I can go back to the being poor life
I'm really sorry I called you a "smug, arrogant, boyfriend-fucking piece of defecation". I was super drunk.
I was going to be mad, but then I remembered you don't use autocorrect and spelled everything correctly and I was kinda impressed.
Last night was a bad idea. I'm hungover and the contents of my purse smell like Korean BBQ.
Randomize