Well for starters i'm drinking vodka out of a bell pepper.
moral of the story: I'm going to stab everyone
Opportunity cost of getting to econ after a night on the town > marginal benefit of attending class
well, I suppose if I had to pick a penis to represent the american public, yours would be it
Dude it was bad... like you fell asleep around the toilet after drinking from the back tank bad.
Try explaining "the nature of your relationship" to a cop when your fuck buddy vandalized your car. Priceless.
Those drunk pictures you took of me? My mom is showing those to my grandparents.
I feel like you're gonna be reading this at 6 AM in a ditch or under a bridge, but please remember...I offered to drive you home. And you said no.
The sad thing is that it's 6:45 and you're not far off.
When you're all settled in, text me, and I can sorta apologize for saying that your phone can suck my dick. What I really meant to say is that your Windows phone can suck my Android phone's dick.
There is a high pitched squealing noise coming from somewhere in my house. I hope it's a gas leak cause I'm over this week man.
Pretty sure if we keep hanging out on Tuesdays there will be no whiskey left for the younger generations or the universe will implode....tomato tahmato
I forgot to respond before, I was apologizing for confusing sex with secret Santa.
I am going to bedazzle the shit out of your Basilisk costume.
He's a freak. Not like "freak in the bed" freak but like "eats glue in the weekends" freak.
I've decided it's okay if I take a pregnancy test every month. Then I can be like, "Good job, self, way to not procreate this month!"
Randomize
