I'm not gonna not go for it, she's foreign and pulled a shotglass out of her thong.
i woke up in the fire place with a lighter in my hand. if i would have died the night would have made up for it.
Finally considering to keep my landing strip before I have sex.. I feel like It makes me look mature.
We fucked in my basement while hiding from the cops.. And now his Facebook picture is him and others holding up there MIP's in front of my house.. I feel obligated to add him as a friend.
We're drinking vodka. Wine is for people who have to wake up in the morning.
also, the amount of semen in my carpet right now is unforgivable...
Note to self: the judgement that occurs when unrolling your last 5 which was used to snort drugs the night before, to pay for alcohol before noon on a Monday is worth just sucking it up and taking an overdraft fee.
Wait a min, you had drugs last night?!
And your cousins porn shouldn't have been the first straight porn you watched. And for that I am sorry
The whole time we were hanging out my vagina was yelling at me like its a real live penis that wants to have sex with us what are you doing
We're too hungover to prance.
not sure if actually covered in glitter or just drunk
I'm eating a bagel on the toilet and watching porn. Trust me, I've got my priorities straight.
You know tonight's gonna be a good night when your already planning on sleeping in a trunk
I was drunk in the shower and i decided to shave. Im now bleeding to death
So I have a horrible yeast infection right now and I learned that Scott is cheating on me and now he has a yeast infection in his mouth and in his stomach a pretty aggressive one too. I believe the doctors call it thrush. Text me in the morning tell me what you think.
Randomize
