Intervention is following me on twitter.
wow.
Just had to explain to the nurse WHERE I have poison ivy. Great Day
Awesome morning. I just met my boyfriend's wife, should I have shaken her hand or was the hug a tad over the top?
you were mass sexting so we took your phone away
he said he has something really important to tell me but isn't ready yet. It's either that he loves me or has herpes
I woke up with like grass burns all over my body, i'm pretty sure i made out with someone under a bus. . . but i'm not sure
THEY'RE. IN. YOUR. BED. THEY RANDOMLY SHOW UP. AND GET IN YOUR BED.
Good because ass is like 60% of my diet now
The instructions say refer to specific course material, but I'm in no mood to reopen this awful book that caused me so many lost hours of drinking.
Yeah FUCK THAT NOISE
Just so you know, classy bitches change the morning after in a CVS bathroom.
My heart is swelling with pride right now. I fucking love you.
Guy just came in wearing only shorts, on his hand was written - my name is ... Call ... And tell them where i am, thanx - in permanent marker, ordered his favorite dish, and left w/out touching it. It's snowing outside.
Watching the wiggles while tripping on acid is the scariest fucking thing of all time
I just did a booty-call caliber shave job in preparation for this weekend. Fuck being ladylike; I'm tryna get LAID-ylike
Tonight I learned to never try to impress your ex by dancing on the stripper pole while drunk. That’s how you end up in the ER
If sleeping with your boss doesnt scream job security i dont know what does.
Randomize
