meet me in the bathroom in 10 mins.
wait what? who are you hooking up with in the bathroom?!
aww shit wrong text.
So there is a guy driving a robot around the college of engineering selling energy drinks
Hes stumbling drunkenly around the streets of New York with a balloon vagina on his head. I'd say hes having a good night.
From russia with love. But also with chlamydia.
That girl next to you randomly said that she fits into a queen sized pillow case
WTF.
Where are you?! I require drunk, males and possibly crying. Vomiting is optional and/or optimal as is karaoke.
It took me fifteen minutes to go from puking on my doorstep infront of my old lady neighbor to legit presentable person able to care for children. Bronzing powder and I deserve an award.
We got out of the car in valet drinking beers we gave the valet one as a tip
He balanced a treat on his nose, and then he rolled me a joint. My bf is the best pet ever.
I don't care if we're married you can't just walk into the bedroom with a pizza box expecting to get laid
He went to cum on my stomach and somehow it got behind my ear. He's like a fucking jizz Houdini.
He literally poured blue Gatorade on me after we had sex and said "good game" all over my white sheets
He invites me over for to adderall and chill. Academic Tuesday
Yeah. I hurt his pride. But he's not over it. And by it I mean me.
Im riding the bus with beer in one hand and chapagne in the other. I love weddings.
Randomize
