I even made an effort to dress like a conservative young lady who doesnt black out and throw up in her bed regularly today.
I just went in my fridge and said to my turkey "see you thursday". I seriously have issues
I just wasted my iTunes Gift Card on a season pass for Hannah Montana. Bad decision?
Nah it's cool, I made him pinky promise me he wouldn't die if I left him passed out in the bathroom.
Weve literally been going out drinking five days a week. That counts as a full time job right?
Not sure if this is better or worse than the discovery that bourbon and hot chocolate is a viable combo
I want to play lord of the rings tonight. And by that I mean get really drunk, potentially lost, and go trekking through the woods or climbing shit. I want all of you there. You are the fellowship. This is a mass text. I am insanely high.
HE TRIED TO HIT ME WITH A CHAIR. Stoned video games are NOT happening again
I'm about to be a GTA V widow, he could at least throw me a bone. Literally.
I was less embarrassed asking him to torrent the teen mom's porn. I'm not gonna ask him to about season 4 of PLL.
FYI: Brian said he left me in the bathroom Friday night to shower and 45 minutes later found me with a towel around my head, my pants on and holding my boobs. No more Jell-O shots for me.
Yo making cake in the shape of a penis is no easy feat
I'm watching Trainwreck with Jeff and realizing that I'm the John Cena in my relationship.
Let the clothes fall where they may.
I hate when he takes the condom off to cum all over me. It defeats the purpose.
It’s like having a barf bag and choosing to puke in your own lap.
Randomize
