3:38a: you guys up to anything right now?
i wanted a birthday blowjob. not a birthday VD.
And then he said "I can't get blown while Gordon Bombay and Mr. Holland stare at me from the TV"
He just sent me a picture of me icing a cake with a butcher knife topless.
Just tell your wife to stay in the car because you are self conscious about drinking infront of her. Now you have a DD AND we can still have a good time.
I probably looked like a mental patient. I had my IV in one hand and cup of pee in the other, swaying around with a dazed grin on my face. I love vicodin.
My lower body still feels like its been through a garbage disposal and a trash compactor. In that order.
He gave me four orgasms and I kept yelling "Thank you!" and he kept replying, "My pleasure!"
Midwestern nice.
This is embarrassing but i think i might have left my fake tooth at your house on your night stand.
Remember that mom/daughter stripper team? Well i just met the ex husband/father in AA. WOW!!!! WOW....
So that groomsmen was naked under his kilt. Also I just had sex in the elevator. And yes, those two updates are definitely related.
You wrote me a check. For zero dollars. For my soul. Dick.
Now that mom and dad sold the camper, do you think it's okay to talk about all the sex I had in it?
Looks like a sea otter shaved my vagina. Keep an eye out for me this weekend, no one can see this.
sarah's view on last night: a threesome to make things less awkward. oh, well done.
Randomize
