I just tried to drunkenly fart the beat of Disturbia by Rihanna
I just beer bonged a sparks. You better get your ass over here because no one is on my level yet
I can only be a whore so many days outta the week.
Samesies
Well that wasnt the exboyfriend i expected to hook up with today
I stole a road cone for their 13 yr old son. Apparently I told him to put Christmas lights on it, and "treat her like a lady."
I just took a shower and I feel like 20 pounds of sex just came off of me.
Remember when you picked me up from my walk of shame with a bike, I came out wearing a Ninja Turtle costume and you let me ride the pegs to thoroughly display the embarassment
I feel like I have African malaria. I just remembered singing Teenage Dream in full to that biker couple at the bar.
Everything's a blur with pockets full of jello
I went to the bar saying i wasn't going to drink that much. I forgot sobriety might as well be some mythical creature when you're with Holleey
do you know where my other puke covered boot is
If I don't have hickies that last till tuesday, I didn't do this weekend right
I'm excited for you as you venture towards new drug experiences
There's only two more days left to say you saw me naked this year.....I'll bring the booze, you got all of next year to rationalize why.
A guy I don't even know just ate me out on a washing machine at a random persons afterparty. I came as it was going through spin cycle.Just kept thinking "who does laundry during a party?"
Randomize
