Googled "can you put dry ice in your drink?" I'm safee
You told my mother that her salad dressing tasted like semen.
so i had a hang over on saturday and i stayed in the shower for 4 hours, then crawled out, skimpered to my bed, and some kid i didnt know was sleeping in it
I just smoked a bowl in the dining room and am now drinking a glass of chocolate milk. i can't believe i'm getting paid for this.
when a girl feels in her heart, the way she feels in her vagina, anything is possible.
We removed her tutu and her cape, so there's no risk of her strangling herself.
It's confirmed. We did xmas carol the grocery store across the street from his building at 2:30am... Only the staff was there.
i just saw that homeless guy who dresses like the cat in the hat at the liquor store. i guess he got enough change to have a good weekend. oh the places he'll go
still finding ketchup in my shoes. thanks to graduation that is probably the last time ill ever say that..
Drunk me was responsible for doing it, but sober me was definitely cheering him on
I fingered her though her window because she couldn't leave
This is a sacred holiday in the land of the free! I do what I want!
Listen man, there's two things I know about in life: porn and sound. On a day that I'm wearing khakis, I need you to trust that I know what the fuck I'm doing.
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
i love how you, my friend, sends me a picture of herself wearing a shirt that says "i am dead inside" and i'm just like "awww baby you're so cute"
that's just solidarity
Randomize
