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Ha. No worries! So loud here &god I love drag queens! How does it happen, the congealing?
Happy Easter!!!
I'm an idiot
you came back at 4am in a suit jacket and a half eaten burrito...
This gyro tastes like lonliness
I tried to cut him off and he said "I was the president of a fraternity for 3 years, I could outdrink God."
What do I have to do to get you laid? I talked to that girl with the ugly dog for 45 minutes trying to get you in, and all you said was "Steven Spielberg is my favorite director."
No, I am not setting up my roomba to clean up puke.
he does have a point though, watching you drink makes me never want to drink again
There is a really great story behind the missing Coco Puffs and vodka mystery
I'm wearing fairy wings and I broke my wizard staff. If this isn't the most happy but sad moment of my life , I don't know what is.
At dinner her sister yelled "he fucked me AND mom!! Up your standards hoe!!" Safe to say I ruined that family
Nobody feels the need to text me back. Men. And I sent myself a message saying nakedness. I'm all the man I need.
I blew past the Governor's motorcade going twice the speed limit and DIDN'T get a ticket. God wants me to get laid.
But really, what kind of hoe life adventure in Mexico would you do that would top me blowing a trucker?
Randomize
