Dan just whipped out his wang to piss in a milk jug! Hello weekend.
If you don't answer the phone then I will be forced to leave you a wonderful voicemail of me throwing up
eating toast while peeing. You think this what kanye meant by the good life?
Oprah is sooooo fat. I can't even concentrate on Mackenzie Phillips talking about banging her dad
I'm sober enough to realize she looks like a man, but drunk enough to do it anyways
I'd say you were a shitshow. Playing floating beer pong in the pool you kept filling other people's cups with pool water and laughing to yourself.
You fucked him. I baby bird fed him whiskey . I feel like we've bonded.
As yoda would say; A bitch, she is.
How's my sex life is me mastubating next to her dog. that's how it's going.
She's 90% sass and 10% boobs
I have a knack for carnage and poetic language.
At least life still wants to fuck me.
Masturbating with Lord of the Rings on was not how I planned my afternoon going but here I am.
Just set the kids up with doughnuts downstairs so I could go up and masturbate uninterrupted. I am such a good mom.
as a lesbian i'd like to thank joe biden and also america for giving us this absolute MILF for a VP
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