he saw my boobs and came all over himself... there goes my whole night.
At one point you starting double fisting oreos in your mouth confused about how you got out of the car
Hey, 'thunder cock' as proud as I am for you getting laid, could you put a muzzle on her? I have to be up at 5, thanks.
You may have graduated college on time, but my 6th year ass gets to see awesome tits every day just for showing up.
You kept challenging people to a cartwheel contest...when someone finally agreed, you cartwheeled into some chicks face, then tried to propose to her as an apology. Fyi, she said no
You'll have to pretend I'm texting you with buddychecks.
Like the Jimeny Cricket of cockblocks.
She was just a sweet cute intern for us until I saw her naked in my bed the day after the Christmas party
I'm having a hard time existing right now. When I figure out how it works ill be over.
My roommate fed me my birth control pill while I was hungover laying on the couch so that's how my morning has been
I just bout myself an edible arrangement for myself and had it delivered to work. I even wrote myself a note. This is a new low for me.
Kick open the door, strike a pose, steal a boyfriend, end scene.
Actually we have similar relationship styles aka no relationship... it could work
Look, his dick is so good at being a dick that it makes me see God. And I don't even believe in God.
Just fyi i'm now butt naked in a steam room smoking a bong in some guys house. i sense the weed penetrating my pores.
He just compared fucking my vagina to a snow flake falling on his forehead: gentle.... I'm not sure if that's a compliment or not.
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