I went from sexy to sloppy in a matter of minutes
I couldn't get internet on my iPod in this hotel room for porn, so I made due with UFC.
I'm not sure what to say to that.
I think we were cool up until the point where he saw that planned parenthood was on my speed dial.
i just ate two sandwiches and am debating booty calling my landlord
i guess i called my mom last night. she wasnt nearly as impressed with what we did in the bathroom as i was
dude thats like the second time shes peed on the couch at a party. we cant invite her anymore
Do any of you want to be on a three way call with me while this girl masturbates in 10 min? You can't talk
Unlimited sex for unlimited netflix. I can deal with that. I think this is the first prostitution deal for netflix ever.
im eating mac and cheese with a makeup brush. there is wayyyyy too much wrong with this night.
I want him for more than banging and buying me potato salad. Is this what love feels like?
Let's just says his mouth writes a lot of checks that his penis just can't cash. Don't waste your time.
We are making a pool on how long he stays sober this time you want in?
There's a baby in the strip club. I say again: THERE'S A BABY IN THE STRIP CLUB
I gave his daughter swim lessons and in exchange he sold me an ounce. I feel so accomplished.
I am all the way hung over and want nothing more in this world than a McMuffin. Happy day after Thanksgiving.
Randomize
