You were running around the house with a purple crayon asking people to call you harold..
We were so tired we rock paper scissored for who would be on top. I won.
His appology was" look at it this way, at least you'll give better head without those teeth.'
Missing a small section of hand. Hope your night is going better
Stripper pole. Sore legs. More vaca money.
Don't lose. A little bit of my soul dies every time a beer pong game is lost.
Yeah...I know. It's cute I think...I mean cute in a weird like hey I kinda took you home from the bar one night, maybe criticized your penis, and fucked your brains out...kinda sorta way
Hahahahahahhajahahahahajajjajahjahahajahahajajahahahajjajajahahjajajajajahahahajjjajajaahhahhahahahahahahahaha dominos taxi
i'm going as a slutty football player, and all night i'll drunkily whisper "id love to catch your balls." into random strangers ears.
I'm proud of you, you were pretty classy last night, you didn't puke AND you didn't take off your shirt, except for those two times in the corner.
It's Been a while since I puked in vomit bush. I hope it doesn't feel neglected
My dad is blowing up my phone with pictures from the midget wrestling match.
You like pics of my balls that much?
I am at the store looking at frames as we text...
I saw that he had a tattoo of a map of New Jersey on his arm, so i slowed down to like 20mph and pushed him out of the car
IDK if she's gay or not, but there is something about the way she looks at me that says "do dirty dirty things to me." I have no choice but to oblige.
Randomize
