2:23 am: come sit on my lap i have a stick that'll keep you in place
Let's make love on the newspapers that declare financial doomsday
There was a lot of him and a little penis
I am the poster child for what not to do during sex. Soon they will be calling an undesired position after me
Theres been so much buildup for our genitals to meet, one or both of us is sure to be disappointed.
I'm venturing to your corner of this sin house in t minus 2 minutes.
This is the only time in your life where finding a half eaten lime and pair of florescent pink underwear that wasn't yours means that it was a good night
Who are these men, what are we doing here, how is this helping us toward our goals of sex and pasta? Things to consider.
my pupils became my eyes and i slept with a cloth in my mouth again
He bought you footie pajamas. Shit's pretty serious.
So I told him it takes a lot to get me drunk & he said he was the heavyweight champion in college. We high-fived. Obviously I'm the favorite child.
(This is the second time ive been high enough to decide to run for office)
At 38 I had to open a Snapchat account to communicate with my 21 yr bf. where is my life going.
He bought me pizza and bourbon and played scrabble with me. So naturally I slept with him.
i woke up half naked on someone's pool lounge chair in a house that i don't know, with someone's phone number scrawled on my stomach. why do i hang out with you again??
You just listed two reasons.
Randomize
