I am too pretty for them to be this angry at me.
Ever since they found the bud they've been sending me visa gift cards instead of cash. Bastards.
last nights episode of shot friends brought to you by polish vodka and flamingo baseball. pickles cure hangovers.
what do i owe you?
$237.46 to be exact.
if im having that much fun on the weekend i better start remembering it.
I expected to wake up with a sext of you posing nude and all I got was a missed call.....disappointed.
I'm sorry I think it was because I lost a chicken nugget in my purse and that's all that was on my mind until 4am
I have acquired 14 pictures of hard dicks tonight... I was on a mission. Don't even pretend you aren't proud.
He bought me a oreo ice cream cake with "thanks for not calling the cops!" written in icing. If that doesn't sum up winter break, I don't know what does.
It's surprise blowjob week. You should be excited.
Just successfully made home fries from potatoes we used as bowls while stoned as shit. I deserve a trophy.
I'm eating lunchables with a glass of wine while I FaceTime the guy I lost my virginity to.
I wish I had a picture of me and ron helping that stripper lick her own vagina
If it makes you feel any better they literally are drinking alcohol out of a toilet. They are serving drinks out of a nasty ass toilet...!
The closest I'll come to committing is leaving sex toys at their house
Is it totally acceptable to fuck a co-worker even though we don't speak the same language?
Why do you even have to ask me that question
Just fyi i'm now butt naked in a steam room smoking a bong in some guys house. i sense the weed penetrating my pores.
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