i feel like after you turn 30 you aren't supposed to black out anymore
Can you imagine it being physically possible any other way unless the cows are unnaturally flexible
we had you propped up in a chair and fed you donuts. i've never seen you happier
My sheets, bed, and bathroom are covered in blood. She needed 14 stitches after a trip to ER. This is the last white girl I ever hookup with.
Missing a small section of hand. Hope your night is going better
It's like that depressing moment when you drop your cocaine in the snow.
After much deliberation I've decided to name my penis "Arthur", hope your mom's surgery goes well.
I really wasn't that bad. I thought I was pretty tame.
When Anthony passed out you poured vodka on his face
We got really stoned and then we fucked. Then he made me a panini.
Oooh, he sounds pretty classy
Actually, not at all. We were stoned so he made me a peanut butter panini. With a Rollo in the middle of it. And he left the panini press on all night. I could have died.
So I've discovered that being hungover at 25 feels the same as being hungover at 24. Happy Birthday to me.
YOU DON'T JUST GET TO CALL AND SAY YOU MIGHT BE DEAD, THEN NOT ANSWER!
I just swallowed some ecstasy stuck in my nose from last night. Work should be interesting.
I don't know what part of my sober brain thought it was a good idea to get stoned when I can barely walk with crutches as it is, but that part is stupid.
Went to take a shower. Brought my wine, forgot my towel.
I woke up uncovered, spread eagled to my dad saying "you really need to stop sleeping naked."
Randomize
