Just made a Mimosa with Chardonnay and Emergen-C.
how did you get vomit on both your shoulders. I mean think about it.
You weren't lying about those ceramics students giving the best hand jobs.
Just wana tell you im wearing assless jorts tonight. Ive been waiting my whole life for this.
she acted like she'd never seen someone do speed off of a desk with a rolled up receipt. and she calls herself a grad student.
Look, we all have our slutty phases. Mine is just forever.
He's gotta be able to drive a truck, make me mac n cheese and give me the best orgasms. That's my perfect man
She told me she's into girls now. I told her there would be a full bottle of jäger and an empty bed here Friday.
I was the girl at the bar last night passing out free condoms and making sure everyone knew how to use them to keep the population down
State dependent memory. I just needed to feel my teeth. It was like a fog was lifted.
I heard drunk is the new sober. I heard me say that. To a cop. Can you come get me??
My entire news feed is ice bucket challenges. I wish there was a hide from feed button like FarmVille
All I can think about are the cheese it's on my desk at work this morning. Like are those apologetic cheese it's or does he seriously think he still has a shot..
The stall at this bar had mirrors all around. I just looked at myself take a shit from like 3 different angles
He went down on me and then made me breakfast in bed. He's a man you can bring home to mom.
Randomize
