you kept singing the copa cabana and saying HAVE A BANANA to random people on the street. you also went up to this poor short guy and hugged him while proceeding to yell I LOVE YOU CHILD MAN into his face. please tell me you're sober now
I want to jerk off but my dog won't leave me alone. It's the most depressing cock block ever.
he emptied an entire bag of goldfish onto the bed and rolled around yelling the theme to jaws trying to eat them
she named each of the players on the last ten madden covers in order and then shotgunned 2 beers...if she doesnt have a penis im in love
Yeah that's one way to look at it on the other hand MY FUCKING BED CAUGHT ON FUCKING FIRE
I used puppy pads next to the couch for her to throw up on....
Guess what happened to me today at work?
I have chlamydia. What happened.
Oh lets talk about your news first. Mine is happy so it should go second.
That big chick who gave you the handly polished off one of the walls to the ginger bread house right before she came outside. FYI
I wish you were awake and high the same times I was awake and high. And also in the same state. So we can fuck passionately.
You can kiss the security deposit goodbye after you and your boyfriend did donuts on his moped in the middle of the apartment. It was impressive since you were both too drunk to walk.
I just literally had a dance party in my closet. I've never been this blazed.
A dude just looked at me like my drunk swaying was corrupting his progeny DUDE YOUR KID HAS A MULLET YOU'VE ALREADY RUINED HIM
Buffalo PD walked in my bedroom this morning at 7 am. Was still blackout drunk, fully dressed, Steak Out wrapper on the floor, parking meter on the floor of the bar room. 'Both of your doors were wide open, wanted to make sure no one was robbing you.' Then I made a pass at her.
Note to self: don't try to shave your legs when sex-sore. You CANT reach, stop trying.
My life is just a trash fire of work and Japanese video games now
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