I was hooking up with him in my car, he wouldn't stop with my nipples, I had to literally beat him off of me. He kept groaning too while he was doing it. Sick.
Mommy issues
im dressed up like a present. waiting for someone to unwrap me ;)
this is your brother
do you remember putting condoms over both your hands and asking me if your fists would be too big.
Wearing a Sarah Lawrence sweatshirt is like wearing a shirt that says, "I'm getting a degree in substitute teaching."
We just got really drunk and bought toilet paper. Successful Monday.
you threatened to puke on the table cause they didnt serve eggs Benedict
mid blow job she looked up and said "we aren't even facebook friends!"
This is the only time in your life where finding a half eaten lime and pair of florescent pink underwear that wasn't yours means that it was a good night
Last thing I remember was a hand in the pants. Then I woke up next to a full beer and a McDouble, which I promptly had for breakfast.
Can you tell me why Star Wars Burlesque is pulled up on my phone from last night?
Everyone thinks I'm sleeping but I'm actually just melting.
I feel like my vagina was just in a fistfight.
I came home with 30lbs of BBQ last night. I can't pick up women in a bar but I sure can pick up leftovers from a corporate party.
Leaves on the ground. Coffee in one hand and your man in my other. Lovely fall morning.
like, there were so many other better not terrible choices you could have made, so i'm honestly baffled that you managed to fuck up that bad
Randomize