as evidence of my kitchen this morning my night involved alot of mustard and condoms
I'm beginning to feel kind of at home at Police stations
then he pulled down his pants, and i just stared for about a minute..... i was so confused. i didnt know my cat could have a bigger penis than an 18 year old man.
I tapped out to boredom. She bought me a full meal at Subway. Two tap beers and a pretty weak long island iced tea. I'm five dollars cheaper to fuck than she is.
This is one of those times where I really wish my vagina could tell me what happened last night.
P.S, i don't recommend doing keg stands on top of vehicles.
My absolute favorite part of last night was after I puked in the ally, we rounded the corner and you screamed, "she's ok!" and everyone cheered
Dude. I only took a 20 out the ATM last night. How do I have 83 ones?
You stole from the strippers again. I wish I was ninja like you
Pictures of drunk me in a bike helmet are like McDonald's collectible toys. There's sooo many, but NO ONE has seen all of them.
He woke up, yelled "RALLY!" and then puked in my glove compartment
I think I'm crying more because after all these years he never learned to spell you or use a comma properly from me
How does a face ride mean we're back together?
You know it was one hell of a night when you need to use your own thong to wipe cum off your face.
just passed my midterm while getting a blow job. i love going to school online
You got drunk, made toast, and declared yourself a domestic goddess.
Randomize
