First night home from college and I already forgot that walking around nearly naked with my laptop open to smut porn isn't acceptable. Sorry, mom.
Dude wtf I'm sitting behind some girl in class who is creeping on my facebook page. I don't even know who she is..
i should do something illegal before my birthday. as of thursday im old enough to go to jail.
I only want to make out with him. Unless I get hungry. In that case I will take him home and screw him as a distraction from eating.
door buzzer is fixed. took shots with Latvian electrician to celebrate. nice guy. he is gonna bring mixers next time cuz kombucha didn't really cut it for him.
i have a queen bed, a cherrywood bed frame, and gold sheets. how are you saying no to me right now?
On the bad side I puked, but on the bright side I puked lettuce which was a new experiance
Do you remember trying to make pizzas with the domino workers last night...while trying to speak their language with them.. spanish?
I'm training him to sit when I whistle the tune from the hunger games. I'm going to be the coolest parent ever.
And then I told him since the day he walked away to get over what I went through he lost the boyfriend right to ask why my bed is broken.
I take full pride in being the one that broke ur bed. Want to go for the sofa?
Literally just saw a 7 year old intently rub his penis on the metro. I'm not ready for this
I know I joke about running from my problems a lot but I'm 3 miles off-campus and need a ride
I just had to explain my bite marks to my allergy doctor when she gave me my shots...You're the best <3
You took acid last night and I’m up early to go to the grand opening of a new TJMaxx by my house. We couldn’t be more perfect.
Yeahh. im on the phone with him drunk. he told me he found a pigeon in a cardboard box and named it quincy...
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