you should buy a sheep. A) you get an awesome pet. B) free coat
you just used a box of cheese-its to get into the bar
I couldn't tell if those girls from the bar were lesbians or just awesome
Is there any way to un-invite somebody to a wedding? I just checked out the other family, and I can't have a cockblock there.
My niece just unknowingly cock blocked me. Obviously, someone won't be getting a christmas present this year.
If a man doesnt have the ability to fuck you well on a small climbing wall, I don't think he deserves you.
let's see, i ended up walking for an hour towards a macdonalds that didnt exist, sprinted full tilt into a powerline, and left a 30 dollar tip to a waitress at dennys we made friends with. I REGRET NOTHING
I pretty much landed into this relationship penis first
I just used a thesaurus to write a sext...
My manager just held my hair while I threw up in a dumpster. New low.
I asked him to sing a song so he couldn't hear me throwing up as he was holding my hair
i'm not so sure everythign we did last night was legal...
Hurricane Harvey ruined my dick appt. WTF?!
No no no, work drunk and day drunk are totally different. I got drunk with a client and made a huge sale at 1pm. You are still in your PJs and jacking off.
Dude someone puked in a bowl n put it in the fridge. I thought it was salsa! Who does that?
Randomize
