Should I be offended if he asked if he could use saran wrap to eat me out?
She left me with blue balls so I jerked off on her french toast in the morning.
Do you think girls in gamma phi sit around and think about how much they suck?
i dont think my parents would of encouraged me to save years of birthday money if they knew what i would eventually spend it on
I made out with the bride. You tell me how my night was
On your way out, lock the front door. And by lock the front door, I mean find the door handle, reattach it, and then lock it.
I forgot how wholesome of a place a park is when youre not drinking there.
You grinded on me in Jimmy johns to a madonna song.
She just asked me if I was looser "in the vagina" than her. While gyrating.
I feel like he better crank it up to level RG IV tomorrow. It's the fucking playoffs.
woke up to a family dragging me under their beach umbrella, they poured water on me bc they "thought I was dead" then fed me quesadillas and nursed me back to health... gotta love Cabo
The site I use to study flash cards keeps showing ads for truck companies hiring drivers. It's like the site is saying "hey, we all know there's no hope for you, just give up and Become a truck driver."
Dude that chick had a dog in her car. Like when she goes bar hoping so does roofus. He gaurds the car.
You know you were way drunk when you wake up at 7 AM halfway on a couch, tangled in a sheet with your shoes still on.
If I woke up in a pillar of smoke I suppose that's a sign right
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