i just found a plastic monkey in my sweatshirt pocket
Umm I had a plastic mermaid in my pants......
Really
You win
ad ew i am wasted whats my problem
I just did your MASH and your life is pretty unfortunate. Youre marrying the tech guy for love. you live in a shack and you're a hooker and you make $1 a day. you drive a brown limo and you have 7 kids
Note to self: When getting ready to leave with a kid in a wheelchair don't say Let's roll
Swine flu is the new snow day.
Trying to figure out when's a good time to take acid and not tell anyone and see how long it takes people to notice
Dude in front of me just jumped out of line at Starbucks to go puke. Vegas in prime form.
I'm stoned at 1030am, watching Maury with my exboyfriend. I need to make better choices with my life.
yea talk to her if you feel up to it. Just remember who you are
Oh shit sorry I just gave lion king advice sorry not mufasa
If you don't ever hear from me again, just know that I loved you
Jesus Christ that's like a real possibility
he has a party story that rivals our "PTSD- soldier-with-a-knife" party story. I'm pretty sure this is part of some prophecy.
I don't remember coming in last night, but apparently I ate a piece of pizza because when I woke up I had pizza crust stuck to the back of my thighs.
when you wake up naked in a bed with glowsticks, a rolled ankle, a hangover, and a condom; alone. you wonder shit
She moved all of her stuff out while we were gone. Shit in the toilet, and didn’t flush. So yeah it went well.
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
Randomize
