If you want her to think you're a true humanitarian, you may want to stop referring to Hands Across America as "the Ghostbusters 2 of fund raisers."
you said the mailboxes were turning into babies and they started crawling away. then you cried and asked me how you were gonna get your college acceptance letters
I can't believe he would be such an ass
Your boobs are way too big for you to be worrying about anything.
All I remember is this kid kept saying that he has a dream that white kids and black kids can take shots together as one, and just we'd keep drinking to that.
Weirdly I'm doing ok, but I've tested positive for chlamydia, I wanted to let you know
Rule number one to being a good adult: don't use your vagina as an icebreaker. Just some wisdom I thought I'd pass down from experience.
"Functional." Your standards for how you feel after drinking are so high.
When your night starts by chugging margarita and drinking vodka out of tupperware, I feel it's best to stay realistic.
okay - we take $20 and buy each other some 'drink till we puke' clothes from the thrift store.
did you just say you're too stoned to fool around? okay we're over.
He keeps bees of course he's weird
We celebrated our relationship by shotgunning beers on his lawn in our underwear. I may have to marry this man...
Someone just asked me why I drink so much. Im gonna slap a bitch
Looks like it rained condoms in my room last night
Your vagina is awesome, like it needs to teach a class for other vaginas
Side piece definitely knows about my GF. Said it was sexy when I go commando, then left me pantsless in the club bathroom
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