Now we are really drunk and her 17 yr old cousin is shitfaced. He may or may not have proposed a toast to octopuses and double fisting. And we just drank to Mexico.
WERE YOU GOING TO TELL ME THERE WAS A LOAF OF BANANA BREAD IN THE OVEN BEFORE YOU LEFT FOR A 5 HOUR SHIFT??
yea last night was a repeat of newyears...exept this time it ivolved a fish costume, throw up, a hole in the roof, and cops...lots of cops
He made me brush his hair afterwards because it made him feel like a ken Barbie.
God I hope the sex was good.
Well, if you're getting/have gotten your dick sucked, you're welcome. If not, I tried. Step up your game, pussy. I pulled a MacGuyver and got mine. No excuses bro.
Hey! Where are you? It's Irrisponsible Patio time and you're not here firing shots down summer student's throats
He went out to smoke and when he came back I was still in the same spot naked and unable to breathe.
All I could say was, "ladies and gentlemen, THIS is why I drive 30 mins"
If you think you're having a bad day, know that upon waking up, I was informed that I blew my nose in a piece of bread last night
FUCK and YOU. times 10. To infinity and beyond. You bastard. Worst. Cockblock. Ever. I'm going to nail your sister.
Are you saying being a wizard and going to hogwarts wouldn't be life changing, believe in magic you fucking muggle
I banged a guy named Robbie last night and in the middle of sex he begged me to scream santos. I'm pretty sure I just screwed a dude with multiple personalities.
Are ropes allowed in during conjugals?
You know your Halloween costume is slutty when you have to shave your pubes to wear it.
You know you've made it in life when the people in the next stall are cheering on your orgasm
I left the party 20 min ago..just thought i would tell you so you wouldnt think i fell in the lake again
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