After work we went home to fool around. Turns out he had sawdust under his foreskin. I'm never going down on him again.
I would like to remind you that Mike's hard lemonade only goes good with an extra light cigarette and seminal fluid.
this guy literally just gave me a gold star sticker for the "stellar" blow job i gave him. ashamed? i think not.
Found an earplug stuck to the inside of my thigh this afternoon. Just how much noise were we making?
i feel like an archaelogyst. im pulling apart last weeks brownies to find the weed in them
she ate the whole pudding cup using only her tongue. i'm considering going lesbian for her
i am pretty sure she ate my hamster last night. i am thinking this because she left me a note that says she ate my hamster and my hamster is no longer in its hamster cage.
When I told her that her boyfriend was making out with another chick, all she said was "which one"
I officially became the girl who let a guy get her off under the covers last night while her roommate and a friend were there. He was impressed by my ability to stay quiet and stay relatively focused on the conversation...
I am so ashamed of you, and yet so proud.
I specifically found a fat girl to lift me up on her shoulders.\n\nIt was glorious.
my goal was to make out with as many people dressed as batman as possible. I have my priorities.
you pulled down your pants to convince a girl you were god
I was kind of torn between "Wow, this is awkward," and "Wow, my therapist is hung."
I spent half an hours grinding with a drunk Harry Potter cosplayer at the con rave. Pretty sure I felt his wand.
Geez don't go to a bar for a few days and everyone freaks out.
Randomize
