i think i would be perfectly content if, on my deathbed, i could look back on a life that didn't have any fisting in it
You give one guy a hand job and suddenly everyone wants to get with you
I went for the touchdown every play, and I think I ended up with herpes.
It's almost summer. We need to start reconnecting with our home drug dealers.
she moved to the other side of town, do you realize how far i gotta walk to get a blow job???
So i told him he was the 3rd i have ever slept with and then i found out he had actually slept with 5 other girls besides me. And his reply was well your number one on this hand.
Just watched a guy puke off his bike. Beyond impressed. He didn't even swerve
Great. Woke up in Ts room wearing one sock, a glove and a beret with a sorrority chick CLEARLY out of my league. Jose Cuervo you ARE a friend of mine.
Just drank an entire bottle of champagne for lunch. It's gonna be that kind of semester.
Oh shit. My drunken car sex is on Google Earth.
guy next to me on the train just pulled out two bottles of gin and a block of cheddar. is slowly making his way through all of them.
He was "hot guy in the dark". One of us had to sleep with him. I took the bullet you're welcome.
I'm sorry I peed on myself in front of your boy toy. You should tell him I'm usually not that trashy. It was nice meeting him tho..
You're wasting your dick. It needs to be bestowed upon the masses.
That's Danny the boy who threw up in the Doritos bag
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