What's the name of that girl you hooked up with? The one that looks like the fire hose sign.
I almost didn't wake up for my first day of work. The 3rd bottle of champagne was a mistake. And the 2nd bottle of wine after that was probably excessive
I think my penis got bigger when i lost weight
Must be January. Theres a fat chick on an elliptical wearing khaki capris. Someone doesnt own any workout clothes
There's a girl sitting in front of me making a PowerPoint on Jack Bauer.
I just wiped my face with a slice of bread. Lowest point of the night.
My last google search was 'bulk asian wives' I don't know either
I will be sticking my dick in something this weekend. You can either be that something or not. Your decision.
She face-timed me on the toilet. My dick is never going to recover from that.
You texted me a picture of your face along with #help
A blind man just put his face in my cleavage. I'm also crying.
I was apparently the best non-Irish person at the party. I wore my skating dress, Austrian flag and a giant shamrock. Everyone is calling me "30 Shots Girl".
If you hear a loud thud and smell ozone, I may have been electrocuted.
You've had it in your mouth, how have you not seen it?
Just saw you run by my class yelling "fuck you!". Good luck and stay human!
Randomize
