So, someone in Olympia stole my credit card # last week and bought a platypus vibrator with it. That’s it.
his blackberry tasks were 1. take names and 2. kick ass
Sitting on the floor in my kitchen eating taquitos. Being this drunk the next day has lost its allure post graduation.
the cop cuffed us all with 40's still taped to our hands
OHMYGOD did I try to use pinesol as a mixer?
It's a gateway drink.... Starts with wine... Then I wake up in my car with mascara on my arms covered in french fries...
When i'm home next we need to get baked and go to waffle house. I want to see if the waitress can still guess my intoxication level and what i'm about to order before i even make it to the table.
Considering that your "hello" was replaced with "Fuck yo couch," I'm not surprised that you have a black eye.
Vodka tonic time....wish me luck!
Go for it my man. I'm saving my shit show night for tomorrow. Gonna make it a big one just to let the entire bar know why I'm single
I mean if you can't appreciate a good looking dick then just get out.
I am sure I don't wanna know but I have to ask... Why is there a kiddie pool full of jello in the living room?
I had a dream I got back with Amanda. And then cheated on her the same day. Even my conscious is a dick
I've had pants off for 3 hours now. America.
I hope every time you eat hashbrowns you think about me, the awesome sex we had and how great we could have been.
Why are there 17 orders of shrimp lo mein in the bathtub?
Randomize
