So I got my period. Finally. In related news, I reinstated my belief in God.
So after your 27th or so beer, you gave me songs you want to have used if you're ever on intervention.
i just licked mashed potatoes off my blackberry. i'm not even ashamed to admit that to you.
I just saw a man salute the budweiser truck on the highway. I want to follow him and shake his hand.
My hispanic family watching the world cup is getting too intense for me. a lit candle was just thrown at me because i walked by the tv.
I want a vodka facial right about now. I'm talking about straight vodka bukkake
Question: does the slut gene come from the mother or the father? im trying to figure out who to blame.
This is working out surprisingly well considering it started out with us using a christmas tree as a battering ram
We broke into the space center. If i go to jail I wanted to tell you, you have a fantastic dick. Use it wisely.
She told me to act like the hulk during sex. Shit got 9 different shades of weird
I think the threesome was inevitable when she walked out in nothing but his boxers followed by him completely naked.
Just had a heart to heart with my John Belushi poster.
Herpes is not a lady problem you can solve with shower beers and kissing boys
About to wash down a xan with an iced pumpkin spiced latte from starbs and I feel like I've never lived up to my stereotype so much at one time
If sex isn’t mentioned at least three times at the dinner table, I’m not interested...
Randomize
