Who's your beautiful friend? Please include the words "Straight", "Single", and "Legal" in your response.
I'm driving in the middle of nowhere, and I just saw a stuffed Barney hanging from a noose on a tree. Maybe I should turn around.
I had to go to the front counter of the restaurant and ask for the key because I was "pretty sure my friend is passed out in the bathroom right now"
You just kept rubbing her head and repeating "I really like your head, I want your head..." over and over for like 10 minutes straight... And she didnt even stop you.
every time you want to hook up with a guy who has a girl friend, i'll just give you a freshman
What is an appropriate "thanks for saving my life" gift? I don't have any experience with this.
Oh I forgot to tell u. I hit someone with my car in the RiteAid parking lot. More like a nudge.
You are a finance major, can I use my 529 account for your bail?
I have officially tracked lube all over our house on the bottom of my socks without knowing it. Don't slip when you come in
This guy is clearly nuts his idea of a hangover cure is a six pack poured into a camelpack then hiking 3 miles with a weighted vest. He said "learned it in the army i guess drink beer beat the heat"
He jumped into a mall fountain. I don't think that warrants a lifetime ban or the disorderly persons charge, but whatever. Fuck you Pennsylvania.
carb up bitch. we're drinking with football players.
And I'm laying here struggling with the notion that I need to put pants on.
I seriously just forgot to push down the toaster twice in a row \n\nSo I've been waiting 8 minutes for toaster strudels that I haven't even started... Too high
Omg worst high ever. I'm watching Parks and Rec, and all i can think about is how andy, leslie, and tom are my closest friends. Forever alone.
Randomize
