True Life: I puke at bars and try to catch it in my hand...then walk away like it didn't happen
Wow, Pearl Harbor and The Notebook are on. Its like the Im going to kill myself marathon.
I told you it's awful. It looks like he was eating honey at a barbershop and tripped.
its taking every last moral i have not to steal this bike
you still have morals?
Well actually itd just be too hard to ride the bike with this large rake i just stole
i swear to god even though i took those meds before coming here i did not hallucinate zulema silently throwing up into a breakfast burrito
We're trying to leave but amy's hitting on the guy who mans the nacho cart
It looks like a tornado ripped through our living room and scattered clothes everywhere.
Count the bras. It was a category 3 whorenado ... I convinced the lesbians to come back to the apartment for a bottle of wine.
If I have to strap one on and give it to you good, you will not die revirginated. That's friendship.
Jäger goes great with personal crises and receding morals...
I want to be tan and drunk. Is that too much to ask for?
all I got out of honors convocation is I've hooked up with a lot of smart guys
I'm sitting alone in a bar pretending to watch football because I don't know where the liquor store is around here and I'll be god damned I'm going to be sober on my day off.
Um, when I went down on you it got stuck there. Still had gum in my mouth. Didn't exactly have use of my hands to assist
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
I have serious attachment issues. I just realized how long its been since ive smoked out of my bong and I feel guilty for dis owning it this week
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