Running into every girl no one would hook up with here at rick's. Typical.
you're putting all your eggs in a very hungover basket
By the grace of god and the ingenuity of Alexander Graham Bell, this text message is made possibe: YOU ARE A WHORE
So I just used shazaam to figure out a pairs figure skating song. I don't think I could get any gayer.
This is worse that I thought. He's playing violin for me.
I was so drunk, I was kissing everyone. Their sexual preference was none of my concern.
Just took last nights make up off with a sock. That hungover.
The bald eagles cry cause u drink canadian beer.
I figure that my generation of my family needs an alcoholic. I'll take that burden.
The Mole People would help. They are a kind, helpful people, the Mole People are.
Mole people?
Mole people
Just realized I'm going to have to make you sign a non-disclosure agreement before my wedding.
I just used an Amazon gift card from a student to order a new vibrator....teacher of the year
Saw your dad at the bar last night... And again this morning when he left. Told you not to mess with me bitch.
Girls - I think I have a problem with stealing random shit when I'm drunk.
A real best friend would support the hoe in me. Not remind me of what happened the last time I slept with a boss
Randomize
