she said i have a nice penis, i told her only bob saget and god could judge that.
Hey when I die alone will you come by often enough so that my cats don’t eat my face?
what part of covering your puke with shaving cream seemed like a good idea?
it was like he was trying to blow his nose in my vagina
Just beat off to internet porn while talking to my mom on the phone and eating a cinnamon roll. U have 5 minutes to get on my level
I just took a shot out of my supervisors unzipped jeans. Our staff parties are getting a little too personal
Worst case scenario, I put a giant cork in your vagina so you don't give birth before my birthday
The guy behind me is talking about how his life goal is to use his knowledge of mathematics to make the world a better place. My only life goal right now is getting through this lecture without throwing up in my lap.
Yeah i just finished watching someone play ping pong with his penis it didn't fully register until after a few seconds
There's an owl outside. I feel like he's hooing directly at me.
Would you like to get an apartment bong? It can be like our pet and we can give it a name.
It's not stalking if you do it on LinkedIn...
I sleep better at night when I win things. I never really weep for others.
IN OTHER NEWS did you guys see Orlando Bloom's penis today? I did
Why would you ask him if you could lick his chest?
He has a very lickable chest
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