Bristol Palin says: Remember to use protection
I just wanted to yell " i am not a shake weight!!"
The difference between you and me last night was that I didn't remember getting into the cab and you didnt know we were in one.
I can't wait to go to grad school so I am not your high unemployed friend.
I have her designated blowjob hair tie on my wrist. It's like a key to eternal happiness
You came on the chandelier from the first floor.. Of course were allowed back
Who would've thought that Monopoly night would've ended with some girl peeing on the couch.
Just realized I'm going to have to make you sign a non-disclosure agreement before my wedding.
Can someone please explain where the fish in the mason jar came from when we were at a bar all night?
You told the bartender if he gave you one of the fish you'd go away
Are you doing that thing where you're convinced I made a terrible decision
Daily.
Being in the club with your moms drunk friends > having a healthy relationship with your mom
Fyi, shaking your genitals at me doesn't count as "trying to have sex".
Totally just made a post sex emergency cupcake run. My life is awesome.
I think I pulled a muscle in my tongue.
sorry? thank you? I love you?
So, anyways, aside from wanting to seduce my roommate for booze, how's everything been
Randomize
