I would dunk an oreo in her breast milk
i've lived in the woods for so long, as long as its post-op, i don't care.
I thought the one perk of the low caliber of men I've slept with thus far in my college career is that I would never run into them in the library. I've been here for ten minutes and we're on number three.
Do you think if you have sex with a girl twin, her twin brother feels it to? Woke up at her house and they both have a look of disappointment on their faces.
You are a special snowflake. A special snowflake I wouldn't mind rough sex with
Well I checked the bush outside his apartment building this morning, and he wasn't there... So I knew he was home.
There is an alarming amount of food in my bra.
I was gonna start crying but as he was asking me for my info i saw him eyeing my rack. So I sorta started pushing them together. He asked me to get out of the car he made me turn around so he could check me out and then he said and I quote "okay ma'am. Everything is fine, I'm going to let you off with a warning. Next time if you're not wearing yoga pants you might not be as lucky" I am blessed.
Pretty sure I just noped a member of the Canadian women's hockey team on Tinder.
It was dumb but not something to force me into sobriety
It's a sad night when one of your friend texts you that she's going on a date with someone you know and then invites you to maybe have a drink after
Some people are good at football, some people are good at painting, and he's good at being a fuckboy. Everyone has their talents.
Hey I’m obsessed with Charlie Heaton from stranger things...not because he got caught at the border with coke...okay that’s a lot of it
He knocked me over backwards in my chair. I had a beer in each hand. Didn't spill a drop.
No, I told him I was busy again this weekend. Eventually he’ll learn. Plus, absence makes the cock grow harder
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