the fair has chocolate covered bacon...impossible is nothing.
he asked me to help him wrap his girlfriends birthday presents. Dont worry we fucked right after.
hey I'm just gonna fall asleep in the bathroom at the library call me when you're done with class
she said her black crocs were her 'dress up crocs'
we fucked while he was on the clock. He didnt even take off his bullet proof vest. Dont tell me thats not bad ass.
She was the most uninteresting drunk I've met
I've really got to stop smuggling half full bottles of beer out of bars in my purse.
Although, to be fair, I am both willing and going to lick marshmallow fluff off of your dick.
I made him ride the giant pony statue in my friends little sisters room before i let him get in the bed.
He either works for the Irish Mob or I'm being Catfished
Could you imagine living in a city where bartenders are available by 1:30 AM
I'd have like 4 kids by now and at least one std
I know I don't have feelings for him because I feel completely ashamed every time after we have sex
Why were you doing tequila shots out of Boston Pizza dip containers?
rock bottom is drinking straight vodka from a protein shaker, singing one direction and crying alone in your room. exams.
You handed me your heels and said, "barefoot running is all the rage." Then you proceeded to run home.
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