You brought back some girl with you at 3am and introduced her to everyone as "hot pocket"
I'll just wear something slutty to the liquor store and hope for the best
that's your solution for everything
sometimes you have to go after what you want
true. and i really want to cum
He is passed out on the kitchen floor. He will fight you if you disturb him. Just a warning.
He offered to drive me out of state to meet up with my fuck buddy. Like best brother in law ever.
Monday: I just need a drink Tuesday: OMG no more this week! Wednesday: oh shit how'd I get drunk Thursday: I'm glad you've stopped the pretenses
Dude she broke four ribs, how does a 110 lb girl break four of my ribs during sex?! It hurts so bad but was so worth it
Damn you and your marathon penis with its superhuman capabilities
I am too high to deal with coming home to 11 naked people in my living room
I almost died today via plastic wrap. I AM THE REASON THEY PUT WARNING LABELS ON THINGS.
Apparently HR frowns upon current employees introducing themselves to the new employee as "Hi I'm sleeping with your cousin"
I'll accept that I'm a woo girl. Just not the drunk cowboy hat wearing bar mongering twat bag type
There is a man in my bed with "new zealand" tattooed on his back. Wtf happened last night?
This is the third time I have overheard parents tell their children "don't be that girl" in reference to me. I'm either doing something horribly wrong or amazingly right
Just let a guy I just met eat me out in a shed at a baby shower. May have sunk to a brand new low
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