Woke up in a pool of alcohol sweat. Probably could wring out my sheets and make a decent cocktail.
I feel like one of those toads that you lick to get high or find a prince.... cept when you lick me you find a drunk whore.
so i walk in and shes blowing her vag with a hair dryer. so i asked what she was doing, she said heating up supper.. come eat ;)
i'm so jealous of you right now.
She referred to her collection of sex toys as an "arsenal." I'm not sure whether to be scared or excited....
as I was walking out the door her and her roommate started singing "toot it and boot it".. I'm in love
Hypothetical question: how bad would bacardi be as an IV drip?
death...100% death...what r u planning.
Do you think that we can get a group discount on liver transplants? We'll be like kids again!
Idk we were snorting lines and making out in the stall while these people were cheering us on, on the other side. And that's when I realized he wasn't the only guy in the girls bathroom.
So I think before Superbowl weekend begins we should all take a look back on last year and learn from our pitfalls... AKA no touchdown shots and kitchen crying.
I believe you called it tequila and nipples. The proceeded to strike a pose.
White people are beatboxing! Save me.
One day this summer I just wanna get blown under the hot sun all day.
Deal. Roof-top 69 on Saturday, July 20th. I've got it in my calendar.
woke up next to the new dishwasher. set the record for banging a new employee to 6 hours...i should be a professional sexual predator
I think I'm destined to be the stoner version of one of those successful but emotionally unavailable characters Sandra Bullock always plays in movies
His new girl is probably classy and boring. I bet she doesn't feed him sour patch kids while she wiggles his weiner.
girls shouldnt black out with american flag bandaids on their nips
Randomize