you'd think he'd be slightly more humble with a penis that small
Cops showed up at 4 am to address a noise complaint and she called them pussies for not doing shots with us.
life is sad when you just turned 21 and youre doing late night rogaine runs...
Confidence margaritas not a good idea. Just said foreskin in my presentation instead of foresight.
he was wearing ninja turtle pajamas and he STILL got laid. who the fuck is this guy?!
I have grass duct taped all over my body
When did we convert life to cartoon?
I'm a gymnast. they should know better than to let me get dunk near anything i can flip on
My pants are like a grocery bag containing ONLY jelly beans right now.
just for future reference, lake water is NOT mix for hard stuff. nor is it an adequate substitute.
Serious question: does drunken cyber sex with a stranger on omegle count as cheating???
And then he served me a piece of a brownie on his dick. It tasted amazing. Such a good night!
You chipped your front tooth on the toilet bowl. Should I call your dentist?
It's National Whipped Cream Day, prep those nips
the orange of my hangover Tang is hurting my eyes... my coworkers knew it was hangover Tang too.
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