What do you do when the person in the stall next to you says they're jealous?
I feel like I'm one of those people who someone looks at and thinks "how did she get into this college"
Outside the community dumpsters: beer bottles and a carton of orange juice. Looks like we were here.
Seriously. My exes act like they own shares of my vagina.
Well, in their defense, they have invested a lot of time and money
ive come to the point where weve hung out more times sober than drunk. i think im growing up. fuck.
You think they'd ask my permission before turning Pajamarama into an orgy. I saw too many of my friends dicks at once the door got kicked down.
So I think I might just embrace the awkwardness and say he fingerblasted her cause thats the greatest word in existence
I misjudged the power of my pelvic thrusting capabilities. His nose is broken. Thoughts?
I'm getting turned down for sex. Apparently my "sexual appetite" cannot be satiated even by a man who's such a deviant he went to prison for jerking off in his car.
I don't get hangovers. Except once. And there is a massively epic story behind that, involving so much alcohol I should have died, and 13 raw hotdogs.
Dude we both faced 40s of steel reserve which is like saying, "Hey, I'm a complete piece of shit!"
Cheez-its and a bottle of cab...for under $10 you could win this girls heart
I already tell everyone in my office my bf is at the Naval academy. It slipped one time and I can't go back on it now
Remember when we used to smoke out of an apple at the playground? Those were some precious moments
I had sex in the tube at that same playground once. That park is full of memories.
WTF. I was 99% sure I went straight home last night. I just woke up hugging a chair, and my tux pocket has a flask filled with what I think is red bull and gatorade. This has to be your doing.
Randomize
