We just made mixed drinks in the bathroom of burger king. This is sad.
I opened a jar of Ragu so I could use it as a cup. You tell me how it's going.
You insisted on take shots off of plates.
Is all white too much for court to prove my innocents?
Why is everyone in the bowling alley looking at me like i'm a prostitute just because I have bunny ears on?
Apparently I used ziplock bags to smuggle my drink out with. By pouring it in one, then cut the corner like it was an icing bag later that night. What is wrong with me?
Haha, apparently they frown upon male strippers there. Bouncers couldn't catch me tho.
I woke up and he was just feeling up my stomach. I felt like buddha and he was rubbing my belly for good luck. never again.
I threw up outside of a cab while waiting in a drive thru Mexican line while others who i don't know watched from their cars while they ate. Dinner and a show.
It looks like I colored my belly button red at some point
Who has the safety vest from this past weekend Additionally, who has the dancemaster glove?
When you finally get laid, I shall make you a trophy out of dildos
it's like that moment that you're driving and realize you're lost except instead of driving i'm just sitting here in my living room drunk, eating a plate of sausages, drinking red wine and just thinking "i'm going to be 28 this year. i know people who are married, with beautiful and well behaved children. where was the wrong turn?"
I feel I should send an apology letter to my anesthesiologist.
Hey do you care to explain why there are 3 empty pickle jars next to me when I woke up or do I even wanna know?
Randomize
