saw you had $9 in your checking acct, left $20 on your dresser so you won't be a whore this weekend
So Ive decided I have serious issues. Im walking around the school with a bag labeled booze money collecting from people while slightly hungover at 8:20 in the morning, and nobody is questioning me.
i couldnt tell she was wearing a bumpit until she started giving me head
Whatever is fine with me, as long as I am dressed in green and end up shitfaced.
Just walked in on the Yellow Ranger getting porked by a guy in a UD Blue Hen costume. Will somebody PLEASE think of the children.
If I brought two seashells to Lowe's, do you think that they'd drill two holes in each shell for me? I need to be a mermaid on Saturday...
Let's just rave with boners that last for hours
After you bought Jesus' name tag off him at the Mexican restaurant you commenced to stumbling around the lobby showing anybody who would listen what would Jesus do.
Stop giving me tequila.
Dude that soap I drank last night is fucking killing me.
Thanks for letting me pee on your bed and cry about nothing to you. You're a real friend
He told me he felt the only proper thing to do was fuck me to the top of the corporate ladder
I realized just how much my daughter is MINE when I heard her tell someone "Go shit yourself" yesterday.
I went to finger her and found a penny. I think ill keep it.
as a guy is it bad that even my mom called me easy?
Is this making any sense, because I’m puking and trying to be Philosophical right now
Randomize
