you kept yelling something about watching the muppets chirstmas carol and trying to turn the t.v. on with your car keys
Found a joint walking to class. I feel like the environment is rewarding me for being green.
i had to write a bad check to buy franzia last weekend. i have my priorities in line.
Do you remember puking up your retainer into the toilet and putting it right back in your mouth?
I've been trying to brush my teeth for 20 mins now... Mother of hangovers.
Telling someone to make good decisions on a Thursday is like telling Santa to be Jewish.
I think I'm allergic to vodka. Or people getting engaged. One or the other. I want to die.
Just left a strip club where they let me on stage to teach them tricks. Time of my life!
Good night I hope you dream about knitting and threesomes
Yeah. I'm so over work, that I'm not even satisfied pretending to work anymore. I just flat out want to go home. Fuck this job
Also you can't just sext a Michelle quote from Full House.
How drunk you think somebody has to be, that they think that putting out a profile pic like that can be even a slightly good idea?
I'm pretty sure I broke my breathalyzer by breathing vaporized vodka into it.
FYI bail money is still in my drawer. I know you have no car but you need to know this for tomorrow.
Dude it's unhealthy how much I love vagina in my face
Randomize
