I just saw a commercial that said "call your doctor if erections last more than 4 hours". I said "disgusting" and my mom said "I know, i hate when that happens." Get me out of here.
if there werent so many compromising pictures of me in the hands of so many liberal friends, id consider going into politics
Ur just texting me random shit. That's what Twitter is for
she said, and i quote, "i want to black out with my rack out"
If you go to the bathroom don't ask why there's diet coke on the toilet. Loller copter. Blow is fun.
There are parrots here and they're headbanging to the music. There's also a clown and a pit bull that can jump onto tables. Too high for this shit.
I have the Everlasting Gobstopper of boners right now. It's kinda like a gift from god, but I don't want to spend anymore time with this girl than I have to.
Sorry I couldn't make it...got a scrambled voicemail, all I heard was "Bring the dildo"
I shaved last nite, you should see my cock it looks like a beautiful skyscraper
I just compared his sexting to a plate of spaghetti. And he STILL wants to sleep with me.
Yeah when I texted her last night the only response I got was "stoned eating cobbler."
I'm sorry you caught us fucking in your bathroom. If it makes you feel any better when I tried to put my pants back on I dropped them in the toilet.
I am so sorry for drunk texting you r kelly lyrics
Literally the fucking master of salvaging the possibility of a blow job whilst also crushing somebody's dreams.
I know its 2 in the morning and everything. But i just straight up yelled "DON'T YOU UNDERSTAND THIS WORLD IS DIFFICULT ENOUGH AS IT IS WITHOUT YOU PULLING THIS BULLSHIT ON ME" to my taco. Because it fell apart on me. I think i might be cracking under this finals pressure.
Randomize
