you googled "nude photos of celebrities you wouldn't expect to have nude photos", puked into the beer bong, and then laughed
I don't know what part of vegas I'm in but its definately the wrong part
I took both his daughters virginities. There's no way he won't give me a job
If one more "stranger" walks up to me at the bar and asks how I have been, I am going to rehab.
Her directions to the house party: "the north star will guide you, turn left. I'm wearing the potato hat"
Blonde 1 is sitting on the floor crying and blonde 2 is asleep with her face in the toilet. This isn't what I had in mind when they asked me back
You said my dick was impressive. You thank someone when they say that. My momma raised a gentleman.
ok is that genuinely the first four bars of mozart's symphony #40 sharpied onto my arm or
I blew him while he was standing up and he drooled on my head
You were peeing on a bus yelling fuck public transit, congratulations.
Part of my treatment is getting high and having sex with 22 year olds. I have a prescription!
My one night stand from last night is currently mowing my lawn for me.
Pro tip: if you can avoid puking on your carpet, do so. Cleaning it up is absolutely no fun at all.
He's not very smart so he didn't know I was yelling at him with monologues from Scandal.
I can’t tell if I have feelings for him or if my vagina does.
Randomize
