grandma shit on top of the toilet
Apparently you walked through my house with your dress on your head
Last night my friend tried to make out with me in an olive garden. Ahahah
Nothing says 'I love you' like never ending salad and breadsticks
can't believe I ate straight coffee grounds to stay awake for that
Its not even 10am and we are talking about what guys assholes we would finger.
Sober Sundays just aren't working out anymore.
They glued all of the ceiling tiles shut.
oh my god. you caused complete remodeling to a college campus that you don't even go to
I didn't hate myself when I woke up today, that's improvement right?
I just dumped bong water and Bacardi out of my purse into the trash can. Everything in my purse is soaked. I hate Sundays.
Just recreated a sandwich from the caf in my own kitchen. Graduation denial at it's finest.
I am putting together a break up mix and its pretty much the best of Phil Collins
I don't have the resources to adequately explain this. I need like a Powerpoint presentation and also Vodka.
Quick, I need a picture of your dick. Don't ask questions, just show me your genitals.
And remember people can't hear you kick ass in space
It's three am. I'm drunk in a stairwell in Vegas. My flight leaves at six. Help.
Randomize
