I'm just sayin u wanted to sleep after ur paper. I can make u sleep
Wearing these hooker shoes was a mistake
I have to tell you about my conversation with the cloud dragon!
make any headway on the foot/dick situation?
I feel the need to point out that one of the items on my to-do list for the day is "don't throw up" I have no concept of normal
I peed in my sheets during a dream. Like straight up. A whole new drunk.
I don't know what's more sad. The fact that I'm genuinely impressed about being sober for a whole 3 days or the fact that I want to get wasted in celebration.
We bought a pool from walmart at 2am...and to make matters even more white trash we headed to Applebee's for half off appetizers and corona-ritas
How does one un superglue their foot to the floor
If that orgasm indicates how the rest of the year is going to go, I need to buy rain boots.
Somehow you're a lightweight AND an alcoholic. Rare combo in one person. Well done.
in retrospect i think my mom tried to raise me gay
One less thong to worry about.
One less *thing! But probably that too.
I forgot to respond before, I was apologizing for confusing sex with secret Santa.
Oh my god.. Saw a commercial for Captain Morgan. Made me gag a little bit.
Randomize