i just realized that no matter how many potstickers i eat, i will never be asian
hey can i ask you a kinda weird question?
i know what the question is. yes they are bigger, and no i did not get plastic surgery
i woke up and my collection of plastic neon wayfarers were half-melted in the microwave. my drunk self hates my hipster self
thanks for brining me home and putting me in my bed. the pillow fort your built around me is also appreciated.
he was so high that he wouldn't speak to anybody for like 30 minutes, he'd only gobble, like a turkey.
i just rememebered i spent like 5 minutes on the ground warming some chicks toes.
I have vomit stuck in my nose, you should come with a warning label.
Want to get drunk and look at an xray of my dick?
Watching Supernatural does more for me sexually than the physical encounters with 90% of the men in my life.
It's like if you wanna bond just do a ropes course or have group sex you don't have to be weird about it
You're the best thing in my life, followed closely by cannabis and trashy romance novels
I continue to impress myself. Also I'm probably pregnant
You can now call me Rabbi, and I can now perform weddings, funerals, and other services in all fifty states. You're welcome, world.
Let's just say when I woke up I was still drunk. My hangover hit me around noon so I chilled w my dad and took a bath and shower at the same time. You just can't do that at college
ARE YOU DEAD? TEXT Y FOR YES OR N FOR NO.
Randomize
