honestly, magaritas are the void men can't fill.
everytime she opens her mouth i wish that i was deaf
guess what. just found out I had mono. no wonder alcohol didn't taste good on nye
I just cleaned your Jaeger vomit off my car with a knife. Don't ever say I don't love you.
its fine. mom just made me chug a long island. and made a crying face when i balked. we'll talk tomorrow.
I literally recorded a toilet flushing to make it his ringtone to remind me what a piece of shit he is
Someone woke me up and gave me a sprite and some pills. I put them in my belly button. Trust no one.
I'm at work, and just realized I the beer smell I keep getting random whiffs of is my bra. I fail at life.
I can feel the judgmental stares of Christians from around the world right now.
Even when you're down just know that I will always be the one to pour alcohol into your asshole when you're on probation
she said she wouldn't go home with me until she looked up my name in her sex offender app. do i really give off that vibe?
Yeah. It's not just the beard either.
Does it qualify as sexting if you're both pretending to be fictional characters?
I'm not sure whether to be proud of you or weirded out.
Finally hooked up with her. She bought me tacos after because "she can do better in a bed". You're gonna be my best man.
Then while I was crying on his shoulder, he got a boner. Soo. I kinda just hopped on.
It's beautiful. It's what jesusxwants. I should send you a pic of my boobs out of friendship
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