You would DIE at the bar we're at right now. All indian/asian med students, I swear
Asian doctor ratio. So hot. I would've gone into heat
I woke up this morning with I hate myself feeling
Apparently they shut down a cook out cause people were selling drugsout the drive thru. Nice to be home
idk how it happened. she made a very smooth transition from crying to blowing me
I just looked at my iPhone gps history... "the gas station", "the park with a big scary fence", "the trampoline", and, my favorite, "where we were when we were about to do lines off a bible".
So High I just made Cadbury Coffee. I don't know what it is yet, but it involves Cadbury Eggs and coffee.
The puppy is a lightweight. 3 beers and he's passed out on the floor already. I repeat, the puppy is a lightweight.
I'm going to need to borrow your helmet cam for my Wednesday night blackouts.
Things are burning & the world smells of peanut butter. It's beautiful.
I am watching xfiles and eating microwaved cookiedough, and I see nothing wrong with it.
My Tinder date from last night is my Uber driver for tonight's Tinder date...neither of us said a word.
I officially have worse injuries from a baby shower than roller derby.
Just cuz I'm recovering alcoholic does NOT make me the taxi for you every weekend
I need more 20 something year old penis in my life
The last time we went to a costume party, you walked around in a loincloth with a cross and said you were Jesus. I'm eager to see how much more offensive you can be.
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