Who haven't you slept with?
No one comes to mind.
I cant believe she fell for the mistletoe belt AGAIN.
The office pool is up to $500 if you take a shit in Frank's desk drawer. Time to change the unpaid internship into a cash cow.
Will you just get over yourself and come over here and give me that dick...then you can go back home and continue to cry over us breaking up. Thank you
But see that's the thing. I know i'm better looking than you, I just want you to be continually in a state of shock and awe that you could ever get a girlfriend this hot. You know?
I am a woman. I need to be selective about the porn I stream on my phone. Who knows if my cell will ever get lost, who will see it and what they'd think otherwise. Keepin' it classy tampa.
Within the span of 10 minutes, I managed to make a slip 'n slide on his stomach, threatened to pee on him, kneed myself in the eye, and almost fell asleep on the toilet....in that order.
Also, my phone suggested the phrase “puke in the mailbox" how many times have I had the need to text that to people?
Come over. But instead of sex, will you rub anti itch cream all over my face?
I apparently pulled his dick out at the bar and started yelling "DICK PICS IN REAL LIFE!"
So I remember having an orgasm, but I didn't wake up next to anyone. Your dog is afraid of me. Is this a sick joke?
So I justmade it back home and was greeted to a squirrel in my dorm... Last time I let my friends rent it out for a party.
Showed up to pick her up in my boxers. Lets just say im 2 for 2 with this new idea
so idk what that means but now because of me he has a police file as breaking into my apartment and sleeping in my hallway under the carpet
Same way I cope with everything else. With dildos, dunkin and depeche mode
Randomize