Exactly. All of us sinners go to hell and get nothing while all of the goody two shoes get to go to heaven where its all pink floyd, lasers, and pot.
All i learned in high school was how to sell drugs
So me and friend just finished Eiffel towering this girl and sounds great in theory but after the high five has commenced its just a weird threesome especially when you make eye contact with your buddy during the session
I totally accidentally said "we don't go around hammering girls in the rear" in front of 132 5th graders today.
Oh my god. I just RAN OVER a child. Oh my god this isnt my day. That kid was cool as fuck though
The cops busted down the door and everyone ran. I was just trying to find my shirt before I got arrested
I need a "closed for the season, thanks for a great summer" sign for my vagina
Good morning sunshine. Care to hear the riveting tale of Michelle and the Almost Great Night That Ended In An Early Morning of Karma Emptying It's Bowels On Her Guilty Shoulders?
He expects to fuck my tits but will ignore me in public.
I may or may not have just hot boxed a backhoe on the construction site of a police station that's being rebuilt..
Its not often you get to say, "The security guard at my job is my new drug dealer," but as of last night, I get to say it.
I'm drunk from drinking bourbon out of a "cupcake sippy cup" at the Denny's bar. What the fuck happened to the goals I had?
Needless to say, I woke up on the bathroom floor wearing the dress that my mom wore to the wedding. That open bar stole my soul.
GO RIDE HIS EYEBROWS INTO THE SUNSET
Psssh like you wouldn't lick BBQ sauce off my nipples.
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