I am so gay it hurts my loins. Going to see She's Just Not That Into You... again. Ohhh my goodness.
We drank from noon till 5 am, there was adderall and nice jews involved it was just crazy
just threw up nine times in the shower.. solid night last night.
after the first blizzard, i went out and bought a thirty and put it in a cooler and hid it out in the backyard. now the second blizzard has deposited 2 feet of snow on top of said cooler. there is a shovel and treasure map over here waiting for you
I have bruises covered in glitter and someone just asked me if I realized I'm bleeding from both ears. This is awkward.
Hahah fuuuck, bag pipers played around me while I threw up. Literally
I just had a threesome in the back of my mom's van. I'm pretty sure the rest of my week is going to be epic.
I swear to god, allah, buddah and motherfucking oprah winfrey... if I have to stay here any longer because you are holding us up I will choke you out.
Your whole purpose in life is to just float around and satisfy lonely women and also join lesbian couples in threesomes.
Spring Fling is on 420. The theme better be 'Flower Child'.
I want there to be fog machines and unicorns.
My homemade mace ate through its aluminum container. I make awesome mace.
I am just glad I was home to catch most of it, cause it smells BAD.
I'm not a scientist but that could be because it's homemade mace. That is however just a hypothesis
How many fucks given?
0.12846
It's National Whipped Cream Day, prep those nips
Just do what I do and listen to your vagina. She’ll growl when she smells good dick
So I took a screenshot of my boarding pass and the TSA agent somehow swiped it to the next photo. Yep...TSA saw my dick before I even went through the body scanner.
Randomize
