I woke up covered in BBQ sauce. My hand had "you win" written on it. Do I celebrate?
she was definitely a virgin. no ones that bad unless theyre a virgin
your sister was..
and you tried to get a free burrito from Potbelly's
jacking off on stolen wireless... gotta enjoy the small things in life
just went to the store to buy a mop & tampons. i feel like i just gave in to all those women jokes.
I wasn't sure how he was going to followup "so,i shot myself.." i guess "w a nail gun" is the best choice out of what I expected
They turned motor-boating me into some kind of sick game
I don’t know what's weirder; the fact that I weigh more with an erection..or the fact that I actually weighed myself with an erection...
Though I feel a moral obligation to take you there, point out all of the male supervisors and slap you on the wrist and yell, "NO!!"
I woke up with my name tag for work still on my shirt. It was a rough night.
Literally sitting on my bed in the dark trying not to throw up
Our prom king just sent me a dick pic. I know it's 10 years later but I feel like I've finally made it.
We need to get me chipped asap
day drinking didnt prepare me for this..
I smell of tequila and Im going to a funeral. This is my life.
Randomize
