omg so im topless lying on my bed and i forgot my nail clippers are on my bed and i just leaned forward and the nail clipper closed. on my nipple. ouch
the meat mosque collapsed into the alcohol moat
i know and i thought i was only capable of loving dick and drugs, im so happy
You can identity the picture as me the mistress his wife and him. It's that kinda awkard.
The landlord called, GOOD NEWS! Noise violation #2! Something about people singing and fighting with vodka bottles in the parking lot. Well done us.
He's currently surrounded by roughly 23 girls he fucked and never called. He may not make it out of here. Bar of doom? Or of redemption?
What if I told you that I had 160 ounces of cheap malt liquor in my backpack? Espn films 40 for 40s presents: Edward 40 hands. Our room. 11PM/10 central
And for some reason I just want to have sex with EVERYTHING
i woke up this morning and saw her in my bed and i said to myself, I think I might have a drinking problem.
I used my yoga mat as a door stop so he couldn't come into my room when i was sleeping last night. Drunk engineering at its finest
Remember that time you gave me a fat lip with your vag? We should do that again!
Give me a second. I'm doing my best but I'm drunk so for some reason fitting both my boobs in the pic is just incredibly difficult. They aren't THAT big. I'm just being retarded.
DUDE NEVER CALL THE COPS BACK
you had me at "meet me in the bathroom"
You have a full penis tattoo of a cobra fighting a mongoose, don't you?
Randomize
