Imagine if sharks could walk on land...scary.
Either she got face surgery at midnight, or i need to stop drinking...
Hey. I found $5 in quarters from one of those state quarter collection books. I'm using it for food tomorrow.
He just pushed one of his testicles up into his stomach and called himself lance armstrong. I can't make this shit up.
THERE IS THE SEXIEST BEARDED MAN HERE. I CAME EVERYWHERE.
i'm taking a spore imprint of the mushroom we found growing in our bathroom and sending a picture to ryan. he will then be able to tell if it's trip-worthy
OMG. Hung over at my grandparents house. Threw up on 3 T-stops, countless snowbanks, and the grandparents driveway. Was proposed to last night. Bruised from head to toe from falling down 3 flights of stairs. Debating my intelligence because it seems that "happy new years" is too hard for me to spell. How were your new years festivities?
Y'all best leave this "I can only have a couple drinks" shit at the door. U don't drive to Yukon to have a shot. I'm getting u fuckers drunk.
legit question. can i put a condom down our garbage disposal? my rents are coming over in 20
I gave a very stressed out cashier a mini bottle from my purse the day after Christmas. It's what Jesus would have done.
You're a good person. Sharing is caring.
How is it that I, the only one that didn't drink last night, was the only one puking out the car window?
I met a guy last night who bought me a book on Amazon at the bar and then we had sex. Boners for books is a thing. Boom.
Coffee's working. Just killed a fly with my bare hands.\nFuck with me.
She made me keep my boots on and say "you're welcome darlin" after every orgasm......so yes it was an awesome night.
I know we agreed to cock block each other from now on buttt I WANT this one. I have felt his penis, it is godly, and I am going to have it inside of me, so shut the fuck up and leave.
Randomize
