The bartender let me pay my bar tab with my itunes giftcards.
I just texted him to come over because I want to see if his hand fits the handprint bruise on my ass.....I feel like the cinderella of S&M
I've come to accept that no matter where I step in our apartment, your underwear will be there.
All i remember was you crying naked on the bathroom floor because you were cold. I got you a blanket and you kept kicking it off and crying because you were still cold.
some fat dude with wolverine facial hair just walked out of your room with a snuggie. explanation needed.
By the power invested in me, I now pronounce your taco to be meaty. Meaty taco meaty taco meaty meaty meaty taco.
You were so excited to be getting 4 tickets to the Whale Rodeo.... That high
I went to bed at ten on a Friday night I have virtues to spare
Sorry, I thought I responded to your question. My name is Jon, we kinda had a sleepover at your friends place in OC. Don't know if you remember me, you were "dick chugging" like there was no tomorrow last night.
If the world ends and i have no vodka please just kill me.
I found a hair colour I want in a porn.
It took me longer to jump start my car and get to his house than the fucking actually took.....
Just woke up to Siri reminding me that i need to kill the giant orange spider in my room, because it's sorcery and witchcraft is sacrilegious. Did you give me LSD again!?!??!
His PENIS is so fucking big that I always use caps, out of respect.
I think I just sharted jello shots
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