Just saw a midget shotgun a coors light
His stupid grin looks like he's mid-ejaculation
you called to congratulate me on being the reason you lost never have i ever
ya i looked horrible drunk and pregnant isn't a good combination
Too long to explain. Basically I started an electircal fire. No one was hurt except for a box of cereal near the outlet.
He thought the strainer was a giant bowl to puke in.
I think I love you, but I may be biased because we had pirate sex.
I really think that guy just walks around with tennis balls in his pocket. No dick is that big
Do you ever wonder what the men who we shamelessly objectify would think if they saw our texts in regard to them?
This is one of those times I wish I had a time machine so I could go back and punch myself in the face to make me realize what I need to do before it's too late
I wish my nipples were as well behaved as yours.
I'm going to need a penis the size of a bat
Let's just say, I'm pretty sure you're banned from Skype.... like, forever.
Truth. Though I have held steadfast to the notion while the rest of you wavered. I had faith in his homosexuality.
Woke up at 8am and asked if she had coffee.... She handed me a shot of tequila...
Randomize
