If it were my dying wish, would you come over 2nite 2 save me?:):):) wana come anyways?
Anal astronaut?
Wow word travels fast.
Can we comment on the fact that at five thirty this morning, security woke me up in the hotel lobby, in my underwear, and some random guys winter coat?
theres always time to masturbate. my grandpa taught me that.
I made an oral joke and he laughed... That's when I realized I wasn't Daddy's Little Girl anymore.
Just rolled over and found your boyfriend in bed with me. Is mine at your house?
He said his penis was a 1 woman penis with a conscience an I was that woman...technically a declaration of commitment rite?
Why would you hook up with someone whos known for peeibg in someones mouth
Just because the energy drink is shaped like a grenade doesnt make it cool to throw it and yell "BOOM" and break my flatscreen, asshole
i can't even hate his new girlfriend cuz she survived a fucking brain tumor. like that's just not fair.
If he comes over I probably get to fuck him and if he doesn't I don't have to pay him the $60 I owe him for weed. It's a win-win situation.
So high that I just walked into class, late, sat down in my desk, and tried to buckle my seatbelt.
she's always on high-alert for lesbians
i got my period today. mid walk of shame and im wearing a shirt that says stay classy. my life is a joke.
TSA found the edibles
Fuck
Oh my god he just. Swiped them for explosives and handed them back to me
God bless California
Randomize
