i have this theory that all the people in the world who dont like mayonnaise had very bad encounter with jizz once
Dude, the women on the view have some valid arguments
You know how I know you're gay?
I just took boredom to a whole new level. I just auto-tuned and remixed today's western civ lecture
We met at my place after separate parties but the condom wrapper was red with hearts and said love. Does that count as a romantic date?
Do you think she hates me because I thought her roommate's name actually was Butterface?
the boys lacrosse roster just went up... now we can see who we had sex with
We started a mustache riot at white castle at 4 in the morning. Will explain in detail.
Dude you don't even know. I spilled the tequila and it took 4 people to stop me from drinking it off the table.
This is the moment in my life where I take a fork in the "nice guy" road ive traveled for 23 years and fuck everything in sight that doesnt have herpes, or is in-between flare ups and I don't know about it until my dick is on fire.
Where are you? I hear fireworks and you've gone missing. I'm sure that is not coincidence.
We lost power at midnight which freaked out my roomate and friends. The power came back on 30 minutes later. We are now at the bar having "the rapture came and we were left behind" shots
50% drunk capacity currently
i'm face down in a ditch right now please help this is not a metaphor for my life this is real.
I’m the skeleton in his closet, but I only come out on Tuesday and Thursday afternoon and when his wife is out of town
That’s all I need in life: vibrators, butt plugs, strawberry lube, and sour gummies
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