My first STD was from a foam party
Apparently I called 911 everytime Sean Kingston told me to
kicked my backpack and turned on my vibrator in the middle of class. success.
You realize it's finals week?
Ya that's the school's fault. St. Patrick's day came first.
I have shoes on. No pants. And my jacket pockets are full of ketchup and grass. Yes. Good night.
This escort grabbed my boyfriends ass and it became clear, he fucked pretty much anything he could find prior to dating me.
when i tried to put the condom on he started screaming about how he didn't want his groceries bagged
Yeah but I get laid and I know. He drank toilet water last night and he doesn't know about that either. Still makes me happy though.
He's basically me if I was an 8-yr-old boy. It's like looking into a pudgy terrifying mirror
Well, we won the drunk before noon contest!
Is it bad if I just put band-aids over my nipples? Way too hungover be dealing with a bra
i know. like I have the nerve to talk about poverty. I eat peanut butter out of the jar.
Friend as in 'I used to have sex with her' or friend as in 'I still want to have sex with her'?
I'm just going to take a nap and hope I wake up more attractive.
I miss all the tiny banana hammocks... When can I go back to ogling? I can do it from a lot farther than six feet without any complaints.
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