Wow, haven't had to deal with the 'stoned at the dinner table' scenario in a while
I'm reciting my presentation (beer in hand) on the porch to a snowmen audience.
I like how he had to correct himself in stating that I was the fat one in the threesome.
I have fruit by the foot roll-ups. I wonder if a man could tie them together and make an editable bra....
Bad news: I found out that girl you want has a boyfriend. Good news: she'll probably cheat on him with you. Better news: after seeing the way she treats him, that's the most interaction you're going to want with her anyway. Trust me.
Pretty sure that's a used tampon hanging from the tree outside my window.
Fuck you for setting me up with the guy from the Nickelback cover band
Payback for not stopping me from fucking the guy in the wookie costume
the old man that you threw the shoe at says "hi" and many rude words...
I thought he put a fake swan in my yard, but no, he put a real life swan in my yard
All I've done this weekend is cum and drink. I think it's safe to say I'm dehydrated.
I have already put on my inside pants.
Shooting a bottle rocket from my penis was entirely justified. Twenty bucks is twenty buck no matter how you look at it
I have done everything sexualally imaginable with that umpalumpa
sometimes i just have a bad day n consider lowering my standards
Drunk. Come get me. Out front blue shirt.
Where are you? And you borrowed my shirt. I know what you're wearing. How wasted are you?
Hotel
WHICH HOTEL??
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