you know how they say when you die, your whole life flashed before you? well do you get to see what happened all the nights you blacked out?
he told me he saved a turtle in the middle of the road.. i told him id be over in ten minutes...i mean he deserves a bj after that.
bad decision 37: pregaming the antique store
i chased bacardi with meat sauce last night
she left around the point i tried to tie her hair around my dick
You said you didn't want to drink anymore so you started shooting vodka down the back of your throat using a syringe. Oh, and then you aimed it at my eye ball...vodka in the eye hurts btw.
So how much of last night are we going to pretend never happened? Enough to stay friends?
You know you gotta reevaluate your life when the first thought that comes to mind after you wake up is 'at least I'm still alive'
Of course it may just be the context. A dish of dog food would look lovely next to your breasts.
Yeah, but I think it would be a little awkward to explain to Mom that the girl I brought for lunch is not my girlfriend but just a fuck buddy who I met after she hit and totaled my car last month.
Both of us came out of our rooms at the same time in boxers and sat on the couch. No words were spoken.
I want you to know that the guy who peed in your bed got fat.
Nothing like introducing yourself to your high school boyfriend's wife as "the girl who took his virginity"
Come get me...at gazebo by side entrance....im passed out in a bush...this is a Bar A bouncer texting for your buddy
Apparently someone was hiding in a storm drain dressed as Pennywise from it and offering passersby free penis enlargement pills.
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