Iiiiiii almost fall ib the lake
He called me a "functional alcoholic" like its a bad thing.
He just kept yelling "body massage machine go" at random intervals throughout the night
i sat alone in my bed and ate pizza and garlic fingers. The icing on the cake was hearing your moans from down the hall.
I keep reminding myself that my vagina isn't a homeless shelter.
I was ready to fuck him until he pulled the "I might be bi curious" card. Now its turned into a guilt fuck. It's like he's a 3rd world child in need of a sexual orientation.
You thought that you were playing full contact and started screaming "I will fucking end you! I will end you!" and tried tackling everyone in the room.
Its official... I need to stop being so slutty.. the guy I had sex with on friday delivered my jimmy johns tonight.
He said he's in to distance fucking. I thought he just mean long durations. We fucked on a towel all the way down his tile hallway accross his kitchen and into the living room
maybe one of us should just pity fuck him and get it over with.
Did you leave a mouse under my pillow again?
We need to borrow someone's dog. Just so we can non-creepily go to PetSmart and watch all the other dogs take photos with Santa
I'm drinking apple juice and champagne while watching crossroads..like the classy bitch that i am.
So let me get this straight I was getting drunk with our science teacher from high school and you got drunk with an 82 year old woman who invited you back to her house and made you sandwiches.
Yes.
Where'd you go?
Laundry, im. A responsible drunk
Randomize
