when I scratched it gently some sort of watery looking stuff came out...so then I just stopped thinknig about it.
I mean roof. it goes up. its important day. you should recongziw it.
You're drunk. Make complete sentences.
It's not luke its my birthday or anything. Mike, understand.
i learned of a new sex move called the pterodactyl. 3 guys stand in a row. 1 girl blows the one in the middle while jerking off the other two. kids these days!
Yaeh! Back in our day we had to wait our turn for some party whore to blow us!
well there you go. the average partycunt evolved into megapartycunt just like scientists predicted.
Reason #1 for no sex outdoors: Mosquito bites. Awkward, awkward mosquito bites.
when i got home i made myself toast with butter & put pasta on it. I know this cause it's all over my bed.
what if his mom answers? its like high school, but hes 30
I think I'm about to have sex with a second person before noon hehehhe! You're welcome America.
Hey we need to step our game up. Dad has us beat; he stole a vending machine once.
My mascara kind of smells like tequila to me...Is this my body crying for help or asking for a shot?
I've slept in a different bed every day this week. Operation Ho Ho Ho is a success!
The only thing left on my Bucket List is getting fingered at an aquarium.
He ain't mine yet. Gotta have a third date before I pee on him and mark territory.
Oh. Wait. That happened on the second date.
I gave myself a charlie horse masturbating this morning. I feel like that really set the tone for the day.
You make me want to do things that I'm pretty sure are illegal.
I just used a bag of jelly beans as an arm weight...I'm not sure what to think of myself
Randomize
