Swine flu. Run for my life!
Tickle wars 95% of the time end in sex.
The guy drove to our house at 6am to sell us weed. Now that's customer service.
I love my penis, it thinks for me sometimes
I just remembered yelling "they're gonna let me be a lawyer! Me! Why would they do that?"
I'm wearing boardshorts as underwear to work. This is bachelorhood
Put you drinking hat aside for Tuesday. My buddy is bartending!
I just puked in my drinking hat.
It's hard to be a gentleman when a girl pauses her karaoke version of "a whole new world," and proceeds to tell the entire bar that she wants your cock in her mouth.
Zip lining have a big frozedn drink with 151 rum chippendale pic life is GREAT
Hey is there a picture of me in a trash can on your phone?
When this bachelor party is over and your life is in ruins, you have my permission to die.
I almost died in that meeting. Nearly dried up and blew away in the pure powder form of boredom
I know that feel bro
We peed together in a dark alley while holding hands. That is a bond that can never be broken.
How the hell does my fucking boss know about the goddamned magician I fucked?!?
she told him my safe word. I'm gonna casually work it into conversation and at him suggestively to see if he realizes i want to have rough sex with him
Randomize
