dude beer before liquor = i want to shoot myself in the face
Who knew that being in a committed relationship is the same thing as forced celibacy? Did not sign up for this.
the fog machine set off the whole complexes fire alarm
I told the hostess, two bouncers and a manager i was roofied and made them smell my beer. Turns out I just picked up some stupid bitches CHERRY WHEAT beer by mistake. I insisted they replace my lost beer.
Found him fucking some random drunk chick in the bathrrom at the blue lep with a beer in each hand. had to give him props.
Someone at all my grapes... if it was you or one of your hoodrat friends I swear to god I'll shit in your shampoo
We're 17 hours into a 3 day weekend, and he's already shitfaced. He fell of the dock TWICE and insisted on wearing a life jacket on dry land.
I couldn't figure out her damn button fly jeans... IM NOT A FUCKING ENGINEER
Did I run away from you last night?
Yeah it was a great moment for our friendship
It was like something out of a fucked up fairy tale. He just crowdsurfed over to her while riding a keg, said "come sail with me", and then the crowd carried them off into the night. What.
I'm sorry but the visual image of you suffocating on vagina is basically hysterical
And I must've sleep walked to the fridge cause when I woke up, there I was, balls deep in a fudge pop.
jusy threw up in the airport bathroom. I am no longer thankful for fireball.
I wish so many great beards were not attached to even greater jerks. All that face sitting potential wasted. Some of the greatest tragedies of this century.
Are you feeling better yet?
I need a nap and a new butthole
Randomize
