when she started arguing that Girl Talk was in fact a DJ, i knew i could never sleep with her
If I was doing exactly what I wanted right now I would be getting fucked on a jet ski while listening to "When Love Takes Over" by Kelly Rowland while eating french fries.
Just left a map of the Aleutian islands on this Eskimo girls face. Check one off my Alaska to do list.
yeah after seeing those pics of her puking into my underwear drawer i remembered again why i didn't want to invite her.
you didn't check your sock drawer yet did you
i'll never see her again. i cant remember her last name. this is like cinderella except prince charming drank too much jameson and couldnt save a phone number properly
I have no idea how to attract men with my personality anymore. He can't see my tits via facebook chat
U handed him a box of flavored condoms, winked, and slurred, "grape juice is her favorite."
She is wasted and this random lady got her to suckle milk from her tit
He called it restless penis syndrome. I call it cheating.
Come over, we're having a tea party. And by a tea party I mean we're drinking whiskey from tea cups.
I just remember lots of butts and something about ranch dressing.
I don't know what to do with my life other than going on Reddit and watching porn.
I wish I knew the extent of my injuries before I climbed over the fence. Might have avoided the need to purchase a cupholder for my wheelchair.
Pennsylvania now holds the distinct honor of being the third state I've crapped my pants in.
I just remembered that I insisted everyone watch porn together last night.
Randomize
