Sometimes I think its so cool that a dick that has been inside kate moss has also been inside me. So exciting.
I have no morals, kinda like you have no standards
None
I'm gonna play a drinking game called "Sarah takes the train"
The a/c is broken so they cut a softball size whole in the freezer door. Goodbye deposit.
Theres a live mouse in the toilet. Goddamn you this is why I don't party here
Me too it's so nice. Debated studying out there but woulda been 90% babe-watching 5% flexing 3% studying and 2% talkin my boners down.
When you get here, kick me in the balls. It's really important. - I'll explain later.
I like that you're Jewish, because you can rail me on Christmas Eve and it won't be weird.
i can't believe i'm giving you sex advice.
i've gotten sex advice under stranger situations. like while giving a blowjob behind the communications building.
He fingered me in a Waffle House bathroom and then stole a traffic cone. Is this love that I'm feeling?
I never thought I'd have to apologize for tasting like absinthe and cheetos before tonight
it’s not easy to sexualize brunch. work with me, babe.
This weekend was amazing, 4 confirmed pukings, 2 cops, 3 hookers, one photographed t-bagging of the groom, and a night in an illegal gambling house.
I told him he looked like my uncle.
Why would you say that in a bathtub?
So here I am, sexting at work.
Randomize
