I just saw a San Diego firetruck. No wonder they can't figure out how to fight wildfires if they get so fucking lost they end up in Nebraska.
Admittedly I was a little ambitious with some of the positions but you walked in during the worst of it.
Dude you just tried to have a one night stand with my ex girlfriend while we were trying to put you to bed upstairs.
but that still doesn't explain how i woke up on the couch down stairs.
Guy at red light looking at porn. I'm waiting for him to look over at me so I can shake my head and he can feel bad
I don't understand how he can't hear himself snoring, but he'll wake up to me sneaking m&m's from my junk food stash beside the bed...
So he saw that playlist i made with his name as the title. i think he's creeped out that I have 106 songs that remind me of him
She is a fish and this place is a barrel. I can play this game.
this is something i pride myself on being below average for
Just got a full body massage. It was uncomfortable at first, but then I realized I let strangers turn off the lights and put their hands all over my naked body 3 times a week anyways.
Hookup with hot guy from gym, check. Wake up to find he's peed in my closet, double check.
Thanks for having 911 ready when I jumped off the balcony
Hey, no judgement here...this is the girl that threw up on a box of kittens at the magician's house
I'm going to call you, don't answer. Need to practice moaning to your answering machine again
I decided we werent gonna go for round 5 when he started trying to have a serious conversation about how blessed he is to have such a nice penis
He has a point, the man's penis is a legend.
Bro, that'd be the third dick I've taken down in the office.
Randomize