Lets go to the mall and pick up some fat chicks and take them out tonight so we can be the skinny friends
i just saw a man dusting the fake palm trees at the mall
...welcome to nebraska
Don't feel obligated to get back to me but I think I just fell in love with a middle aged waitress at the Dennys in waco. She's used but in good condition.
my orientation roommate looks just like New York of Flavor Flav fame
I know everyone screamed lady cop instead of cops. I wanted to apologize to her for our chauvinism
how did the keg end up in the top bunk?
Someone just asked if you were the one who rode around the bar on some girls back
He started to lose his balance halfway through his "commencement speech" at the top of the staircase. The rest is bloody, profanity-laiden history.
I figure a girl that drinks as much as I do should always have pregnancy tests on hand
I just spent my entire state tax return on sex toys
I have a lot of questions this morning, most of them start with "Did I..."
I can't even properly respond cuz I'm ballsdeep in falafel
I knew it was love when he told me he wants to see me have multiple orgasms in one night
Tbh you just need to fuck it out like I don't know another solution
I just hooked up with the German exchange student who doesn't speak English. And you said I have no talent.
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