Only I could do what I did last night and feel perfectly ok working around children the next day
Just sit in your kitchen floor until something speaks to you.
I come back home for break and my room is full of weed either my parents really love me or they are having more fun then I am in college
honestly i just want a cigarette and someone to go down on me... are you interested in helping with either of those
I have a new philosophy. Fuck wearing bras, it's summertime.
My night started to turn around the time I started calling her a "raggedy cunt".
Somehow she got that I meant it as a term of endearment.
I almost had to fight a bird, and you know how scared I am of birds. It found that Percocet that I lost in the grass last week, I threw out my back when I launched myself at that little fucker.
I was stalking his twitter and saw that he used punctuation in a hashtag. Thank god we didn't work out because I can't be with someone that incompetent
You have 4 bottles of kahlua in ur drawers but no sox
Successfully put eye drops in while driving with my glasses on. Stoner level: expert
I just said give me penis or give me death. Some patriot is rolling around in his grave right now.
I'm literally in my bed still trying to find the energy to take my corset off so I can binge eat oreos
I feel bad for her. If you sacrifice and have a chubby husband I feel that you assume he's not going to cheat on you....
He said he doesn't "believe" in cuddling. Can you come get me?
I'm very disappointed that your kitten almost ate my weed cake...
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