I got a lap dance until she said they wipe of the poles between each dance to clear the "std slime", i couldnt even masterbate at home it was a horrible military monday
yeah he was eating me out and i didnt know someone made popcorn so I thought the smell was comming from my vagina
wtf
If I started a story with "That three-year-old totally deserved it," would you listen?
I had a dream that our used condom started talking to me. I told me that I did an amazing job, and told me that it saved me. From aids.
I promise a much better performance tomorrow than last night my penis has a bed time
i woke up and saw you were brushing his hair naked. I can never pass out around you, man.
New favorite drinking game: bobbing for jello shots. Where did these freshmen come from and when can we go there?
Ive seen him cuddling a giant inflatable seahorse. Nothing could be creepier than that.
The milf did the body paint, come to the bar
Should have know they were on something when he started filling a Togo container with fruit
Well we're either getting a bunny or I'm getting you pregnant in about 12 days.
I say this as a friend, you would make a SPECTACULAR crossdresser
Pretty sure that propositioning you to fly across the country for sex fest '13 isn't something my husband would approve of.
2013: the year of legs covered in hair and pregnancy scares.
definitely good. no good can come from sex in a very full public venue.
Randomize
