we should go somewhere reaaaaaal shady
I'm missing my class because I'm not done with my beer
is drinking for groundhog day legit?
well you blacked out on MLK day and we pregamed arbor day, so yes
i just googled the alphabet. i couldnt remember if it was jklomnop or jklmnop.
i really wish i had a remote for my computer. its all the way on my bed while im across the hall puking my brains out to enya. not cool.
Pretty sure I left lotion and my bra in your car. I've secured your fathers belief that your straight. You can thank me later
I wasnt that drunk. Throwing the table off the third story was totally logical.
"Home for the holidays" isn't clearance to fuck the recently 18 year old high schooler right?
Nope, his last birthday was.
My vag has a bald spot. That is so middle aged. Is this my midlife crisis?
is it bad that my walk of shame involves the church shuttle?
He said he wanted to go to France " just to piss in the nice areas". I want to fuck him.
I almost lit my balls on fire tonight.
People...there is no better feeling in the world than finding out via Google that your ex has a warrant out for his arrest. No better feeling.
The squirrels are partying on my roof again. Now they're just rubbing it in that I'm home alone on a Saturday night and they're having orgies.
I heard drunk is the new sober. I heard me say that. To a cop. Can you come get me??
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