Where are I am going home with Ryan
I don't know who this or Ryan is but it is probably too late to talk you out of it
i think a pirate just stole the rest of our fucking beer. what an appropriate costume.
I'm ready for this little girl to leave so I can hit the bong already
Taking my tights off outside the club to give them to the homeless man was my contribution to humanity. The fact that it was snowing just made me feel like superman.
No. I'm wrapped up in my sheets like a burrito. Carry me
He said I could pay him back in blow jobs. What's the going rate for those these days?
You may now shotgun with the bride
im in the library and there's this guy on a computer just staring at a google image of beer. finals week is rough.
Besides you're a Tennessee fan and it'd be against my religion to have your penis inside me today.
I really feel like I should slow down on the getting hammered. I told a bartender on "Taco Tuesday" that a $3 margarita was too expensive. And proceeded to have a $70 tab.
WEED IS MY SPIRIT ANIMAL
That one probably shouldn't have been in caps
she said she just "wanted a guy who she could cook breakfast for". HUGE MISTAKE. I'm never leaving
He had a small dick anyway. I'm glad I barfed on it.
Just fyi i'm now butt naked in a steam room smoking a bong in some guys house. i sense the weed penetrating my pores.
I'm sorry for peeing on you last night. Will cookies make up for it?
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