my professor just told me i smelt like a brewery infront of my whole class b4 my final presentation
Half Baked? Au contraire, Ben and Jerry, I was fully baked when I ate that whole pint of ice cream.
We were tigers and tigers don't wear pants
I really need to stop coming home drunk and lint rolling my rabbit.
I think if I could use my boobs as a second pair of hands everything would be ok
I need to figure out how to tell my doctor that I don't want to fix my possible fertility problems until AFTER I'm done whoring around in my 20s.
I'll be there in spirit. Right there in your vagina.
Side note: the physics of a guy my size and age getting laid in the backseat of a Toyota Camry are absolutely staggering
Today's goals: get day drunk then sober up in time for the walking dead tonight.
Everything is bullshit and I hate everyone
How can you tell that you're blacked out ?
You can feel it in your nipples.
Idk I think he's weird but he's also from Wisconsin so that might have something to do with it.
I forgot to lock the door last night. I woke up cuz a guy opened my bedroom door, asked me who I was and where he was. And there was another guy standing in the living room asking me if I knew what apartment "Travis" lives in.
dude. I can hear the air.
Heels with jeans turned Casual Friday into Casual Sex With My Boss Friday
Randomize
