he thinks he's going to hurt your feelings
He can't hurt my feelings
I don't have feelings.
why is it that no matter what your novelty license plate says it always screams "im a huge tool"?
get home. someone threw up in the fishtank last night.
bring the vodka.
i thought we were going to mcdonalds..?
we are.
Two words Indian burn...
What did she think it was, a shake weight?
We need to reprogram your vagina to say "no"
If i want her back i know all i have to do is sleep with a specific handful of her closest friends. That method is tried and true.
She kept grabbing my head and told my faces to stop shaking.. Also, she kept whispering something about seeing flowers in my eyes.
this st patricks day sucks
ill send jameson via bank tube 150+ miles
Not only does DQ have s'mores shakes, sonic has a hot dog in a pretzel bun, and Wendy's has a burger in a pretzel bun. Important things are happening.
The police report said "I asked the suspect if he had any identification. He replied yes and gave me a Pizza Hut gift card"
I got a 5 dollar bill, 1 condom, and no alcohol. I get payed on Thursday. Let's do this shit.
after stripping the bed and soaking it with the "pet spot remover" I have, I decided in the best interest of my mattress and our drunk friends bladders, i should invest in rubber sheets.
On a scale from 1 to 10 how gross is it to get a chili dog from a vending machine?
Are you hungover?
No. I'm hiding under my covers and hoping it doesn't find me.
Randomize
